There are so many people–mostly on TikTok–starting their own "small businesses" which are basically just them buying a bunch of candy and overcharging customers to sell it to them. They’re wearing the same gloves and touching all the unpackaged candy. They’re opening all the candy and storing them in unwashed plastic containers–like, taking the containers straight out of a box, filling them with candy, then putting them on their shelves like they did something. (Wash those fucking containers! OMG. Manufacturing grossness. Warehouse grossness. Dozens of people handling the containers before they get to you. WASHING THEM IS THE FIRST STEP!)
I am simply so despairing of humanity.
I feel like if you’re going to store the candy on your shelves, and then shovel peoples’ orders into containers for shipping, why wouldn’t you spend the extra few dollars for glass jars? They can be sanitized with boiling water, and that’s a good thing. Plus depending on the plastic storage containers, you have to worry that they’re going to break down over years of usage as they stay under the lights in your work space.
Go glass if you’re going to do that.
Plus, if your goal customers are "crunchy moms," do you honestly think they’re going to buy from you when you store your CANDY in PLASTIC??? Like, they’re not out there buying candy in the first place. They’re making their own stuff using maple sugar and honey and agave. But to expect them to buy ANYTHING that came out of a big plastic tub? You are delusional. And you are about to lose your ass on your ill thought out business venture.
And the very idea of buying FOOD from any of these people…
Be for fucking real.
I am too poor to risk my health and my life buying food from random people ON THE INTERNET.
Like, if I had a shit ton of money and I had super great health insurance, MAYBE. But I simply cannot afford the risk of a food-borne illness and all the ick that comes with it. Like, maybe I’d be lucky to be spending a few days on the toilet, ejecting everything from both ends, but there are some diseases that are forever.
I’ve heard of people ending up PARALYZED for life after eating a bad piece of chicken.
Supporting someone’s "small business" that they basically built out of their ass is not my responsibility. I’m sorry you poured your money into a business that you didn’t actually plan for or properly think out, but I’m not here to give you money so you can give me listeria or botulism or salmonella or e.Coli or anything else that can be passed around by your unwashed containers and unchanged gloves and your loose hair.
I’m glad you have dreams. I hope you have a good life. But no. I’m not spending $180 for 2 pounds of candy you bought from a bulk retail warehouse.
Like, you’re not even making the candy. You’re just taking it out of the package and contaminating it before sending it to people.
Again: Be for fucking real.
I believe people should support small businesses. I think that people should be out there making small businesses and promoting micro-economies and building up their communities. But that doesn’t mean I support barely veiled predatory capitalism masking itself as "I’m just a small business owner trying my best uwu."
Cottage industry laws exist for a reason. Food safety health standards exist for a reason. I’m sorry if it hurts your feelings, but like 99% of people SHOULD NOT be making and selling food. That’s just flat out. You can still have a business, but please: Don’t have it be a business dealing with food or DIY cosmetics.
If there’s any risk that your product can result in someone DYING or experiencing any kind of poisoning event, why put yourself or them in that position? Make and sell bookmarks. Make pretty fake flower ornaments. Make a zine. Knit scarves or sweaters. Make lawn ornaments.
But just the idea of spending $180 for 2 pounds of CANDY??? And you don’t even MAKE the candy, you just mix it all together in a bowl and repackage it after storing it in big plastic jars with no expiration dates or nutrition information? Get the fuck outta here.
~Harper Kingsley
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P.S. Sometimes I feel like that "Family Guy" episode where Peter does the "That grinds my gears" segment on the news. Just being a wild crank all the time. My annoyance levels switched up to 11.
