SILLY SAM AND THE MYSTERIOUS PILLS
Dan always had the best drugs. It was pretty much what he was known for. He always had the best stuff, and a lot of it. Enough that he never noticed when Sam pocketed a few things here and there.
It didn’t even feel like stealing. Dan had so much. If he didn’t notice anything was gone, didn’t that mean he didn’t care? Who could blame Sam for taking a little bit?
There was an unlabeled glass bottle of pills on the counter next to Dan’s car keys. Sam didn’t hesitate to shake a handful into a sandwich bag and tuck it away in his pocket. He put the bottle back exactly where it had been and thought it looked untouched.
He went to the fridge and took one of the wrapped sandwiches from Dan’s shelf. The guy always bought so many. He never noticed when one or two went missing.
Sam went into his room and unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. Beef and cheddar, yum.
He used his computer to try and look up what the pills were. They were small white pills with a "D" on one side and an "F" on the other. He was surprised when the pill identifier came back with no results.
"Huh. Maybe they’re some new synthetic," he said, then shrugged and popped two in his mouth, swallowing them with a mouthful of coffee.
He finished the sandwich and lay on his bed, waiting for the pills to kick in.
And waited.
And waited.
But he didn’t feel anything.
So he swallowed two more pills, just to see what would happen.
An hour later he realized that nothing was going to happen. It made him feel disappointed for his ruined evening.
It looked like Dan didn’t always have the best drugs. It turns out that sometimes he managed to get a bad batch.
What a bummer, he thought, and settled in to sleep for a while.
It was the sounds of movement in the living room that woke him up. He walked out rubbing his stomach. "Hey."
His two roommates looked at him from where they were eating takeout at the dining table. "Hey," Isaiah said, waving his burrito. "There’s food here."
"Cool." Sam went over to the paper bag and pulled out a tinfoil wrapped burrito. "Thanks, man."
"Yeah. It’s all good." Isaiah was always generous. "Oh, dude, we’re going camping this weekend. You want to go?"
"Sure," Sam said. "I’ve gotta take my sleeping bag to get washed. Want me to take yours?"
"Mine’s good," Isaiah said.
"Can you take mine? That would be great," Dan said.
"Leave it next to the front door. I’ll go to the laundromat tomorrow," Sam said. They had their own washer and dryer, but sleeping bags needed the big commercial machines.
"Thanks." Dan finished his burrito and went to throw away his trash and wash his hands. "I bought a bunch of new stuff for our camping trip. I got a magnesium bar and starter, a cookware set, and look," he held up a glass bottle full of white pills, "toothpaste tablets! I saw them online and wanted to try them out."
"Those are toothpaste?" Sam asked, fighting to keep his voice normal.
"Yeah. You chew them and use a wet toothbrush and brush like normal. They’re supposed to save water." Dan sounded excited. "I also got these little soap sheets for washing hands. They’re like little squares of tissue paper. They weigh like nothing in your backpack."
"Wow," Sam said. His stomach churned as he thought about the "pills" he’d swallowed earlier. "Wonder what they’ll come up with next."
=END=
~Harper Kingsley
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At least he didn’t wake up as a cockroach or something. If I was Dan I’d leave some sandwiches with crystal drano in them in the fridge for that moocher.