Harper Kingsley blog

“It never hurts to ask.” What a douchey commercial, Ford. Seriously.

In recent years, I’ve noticed a lack of true holiday spirit and love/caringness for other people. I’m not saying I’m in any way a perfect person or anything — knitting socks for orphans and giving out kitten mittens even to people that don’t want them — but I am enough of a person to recognize when there’s something very wrong with the world.

The eHarmony commercials with the little girl, and now little boy, are a bit creepy. Not just because the old man keeps popping up during other peoples’ dates and saying weird things, but because the know-it-all little girl sets my teeth on edge.

And now I think the Ford commercials are even worse. I mean, the kid doesn’t even bother to meet Santa face-to-face while he’s demanding a $70,000+ truck. No, he does it over the phone and never once says thank you or please. It’s just “Santa, I’ve been such a good kid, give me a truck that I can’t even drive for another 7 years.”

If I were doing a truck commercial featuring Santa and someone wanting a new truck, I would have shown a man or woman working hard and saving money to get a truck. Something happens — maybe a family member gets sick, something — and s/he’s forced to give up the Truck Fund to help someone else. Then another person — maybe Santa himself, otherwise someone with a lot of money doing a good deed and dressing like Santa when doing it — hears about what s/he did, and shows up with the truck s/he was researching and admiring online — which is good placement for the Ford website — and gives over the keys. Then a whole scene with the joyous new truck owner and family, maybe other people in the community that were so appreciative of her/his sacrifice to help someone else that they want to be involved.

And to make the commercial truly heartwarming, I would add a small child or two — highlighting the fact that a good new truck can fit a carseat — and maybe there’d be a scrappy dog.

I don’t know. I remember a time when commercials were moving little mini-stories around the holiday season displaying happy families and people caring about others. Now, though, it mostly seems to be bratty kids demanding lots of expensive presents that they don’t deserve. It makes me sad. And annoyed.

So here’s a wag of the finger to you, Ford Motors. Your commercial sucks. Expect a visit from the Internet Krampus.