I’ve been using my old bluetooth keyboard with my phone to post on twitter and to write this post.

I bought it so long ago that I’m not quite sure when I got it, but it was cheap and the little deer on the silicone skin appealed to me. I just couldn’t say No to it.

Well, if you look you can see that there’s a little keyboard icon on the Control button. So I couldn’t figure out how to make emojis while using a keyboard and I was trying all sorts of things, including the whole “Command + Control + Spacebar” combo suggested by the Internet

I was hitting the keys over and over, and after a whole bunch of times the keyboard would switch to emoji and it was like Yay! but I couldn’t figure out how to make it consistent.

Until I found out that all I needed to be hitting was “Control + Spacebar.” That little keyboard icon was actually a bit of a hint lol.

And then I started typing and my Q key was typing A’s and my A key was typing Q’s and it turned out I was using the French keyboard.

I honestly thought my fumbling around had broken the keyboard. I was like “If this thing’s broken, how do I even fix it?”

Technology, man. It teaches you new stuff everyday.

Anyways, another funny thing was I was blabbering on Twitter and I casually shared the anecdote about the time I ate a bunch of mushrooms, slammed back some orange juice, then thought it was a good idea to watch the Venture Brothers while tripping balls.

It was basically a light “Don’t do that. I was really stupid”-type of story.

Yet I immediately got two concerned people in my mentions offering to sell me quality mushrooms at rockbottom prices.

And it’s like, “My dudes: I don’t want any shrooms. And if I did, I wouldn’t get them from YOU, stranger on the Internet. Weird.”

Like, how do they deliver them? Do they bring them direct to my door in their DEA van?

Some people trying to sell illegal stuff on the Internet are so bonkers. Like, if they’re not secretly cops, then they’re basically one sale away from being busted by cops because how sloppy are you going to be?

And at the same time, why would I ever buy questionable substances that I’m going to EAT from some rando that replies to every mention of “shrooms” with an offer to sell some???

They already taste like ass. Who knows how those weirdos grow them or package them? Super unsafe.

Like, I live in a state where they grow in the wild. People go out in the season with a collection basket and grab them along with wild flowers and what-have-yous and dry them themselves. (As long as they’re not in a bag, there’s no expectation that you’re going to sell them. If they’re in a basket of other things, you likely just grabbed them on mistake thinking they were something else.)

I just can’t imagine anyone replying to one of those Internet weirdos with “You’re going to sell me illegal stuff direct to my mailbox??? Thank you so much! I would love some. Here’s some Paypal money!”

Who do they even manage to sell to??? Like, dumb kids that never went through the DARE program?

I honestly think Twitter needs to go through and start kicking people like that off. They’re a hazard to other users and themselves. Like, this is not the first time randos have popped up in my mentions attempting to sell me drugs.

There’s a reason the school districts are suing social media companies. They are not doing enough to protect their users. It’s shameful.

And kind of hilarious in its stupidity.

I made some quick flour soup tonight and it was pretty alright.

First I mixed together flour, garlic powder, a bit of salt, paprika, a few drops of toasted sesame oil, and water to make my flour “pasta.” I mixed it together in a small bowl that I then placed in the fridge to chill it for about 15 to 20 minutes.

The base was fish bouillon (cost like $10 but I probably used $0.20 worth, and you could use whatever broth you like), a splash of mirin, a splash of white wine vinegar, a splash of soy sauce, garlic powder, dried onion flakes, a little toasted sesame oil, and hot pepper flakes.

With the broth boiling, I added a salmon fillet I found in the freezer (leftover from a bag of single vacuum-packed fillets) and some frozen mussels I bought from safeway.

After a minute, I added about half a bag of frozen California-style vegetables (carrots, cauliflower, broccoli) then some cut up tofu.

When the broth was bubbling again, I used a metal spoon to cut small bits of the flour pasta into the soup. You dip the spoon into the hot broth, then scoop out a small bit of the flour mixture, and it should just slide right off the spoon into the broth without sticking.

I added the flour bits all around the soup, waiting 10 seconds, then stirred the soup so the flour bits went to the bottom, then added more. You don’t want to add the flour bits so close together that they stick together in a blob.

I lowered the soup to a simmer and let it cook until the vegetables were done and the flour bits were chewy and a bit translucent. (If they taste like flour, they’re not cooked enough. They shouldn’t be in any way crumbly either.)

It’s a very simple and quick to make soup.

I don’t like mixing rice and noodles, but if you wanted you could add a scoop of rice to a bowl and top it with the soup.

You can add sliced jalapenos for a bit of a kick. Or you could crack in a couple of eggs, and either don’t stir them for a minute to have solid bits of egg or immediately stir them so they mix completely with the broth and add thickness without chunks. Or you could add some kimchi or spinach or kale or cut up green cabbage, napa cabbage, or bok choy.

It’s a very forgiving soup that’s cheap to make and surprisingly filling.

It fed three people with a bowl leftover. Probably cost less than $15 altogether.

The bag of salmon was like $10 when I bought it, and I only used one fillet. You don’t even need to add salmon or other kind of fish if you don’t have any. Or you could use canned salmon, canned mackerel, canned tuna, cooked beef, chicken, or pork, whatever you want. With a vegetable broth you could make a vegetarian or vegan flour soup with or without faux meat.

The whole bag of frozen vegetables was like $1. The package of tofu was $1.50. The mussels cost $3.99. A bottle of soy sauce is like $4. A bottle of mirin is like $4. A bottle of white wine vinegar is like $4. The garlic powder and dry onion cost $1 each. The bag of all-purpose flour was less than $3.

If you’ve got a stock of staple ingredients, you can make a pretty deluxe-style flour soup for less than $2 a serving. And if you’re a bit skimp on the money, you could add more water to make more broth, serve the soup over rice, and spread four-servings to six or eight.

Aw geez. I feel so bad to everyone that follows me on AO3. This was the first time I’ve looked at my inbox in like 5 years and there was over a THOUSAND comments and I’ve never read any of them.

People have said so many nice things 😅 I’m such an ahole.

Is it too late to tell them to have at it?

I should finish that story…

I’m so fucking old I was writing fanfic when dinosaurs walked the Earth…

Anyways, Imma try to finish some old ass shit. I might even bother my Patreons with it (sorry) but I feel like it has to be done. There are people that have been waiting literal DECADES to find out what happens that one time to those one guys.

RUNNING ON EMPTY

Staying in the motel was becoming a real hardship. Not because the room was especially terrible in itself, but because the neighbors on either side were the sort that believed being loud was a right and not a rudeness.

The couple on one side loudly made love all night every night, while the couple on the other side screamed at each other and threatened violence at such volume their every word was clearly audible. Both pairs were risking their lives without knowing it.

She wrapped the pillow tighter around her head and clenched her jaw tightly to keep from screaming at them to "SHUT UP!"

Her body trembled with the effort of holding herself still. She could feel the madness growing inside her. The need to unleash terrible violence on the inconsiderate aholes.

She was exhausted. She hadn’t had more than a few minutes of sleep for the last two weeks. If she could have left the motel room she would have, but she had promised to stay inside and wait for him to return, so here she was. Suffering from cabin fever and maybe malnutrition from only having delivery food to eat, which in this town had meant food from the pizza place every day.

She’d promised she would stay in the room, but it was becoming harder and harder. It was only her absolute terror of Them that kept her inside.

He’d lined the motel room with paper charms and hung up carved wooden rune squares. As long as she remained inside she was invisible to the monsters chasing her. The monsters he had gone off to kill.

The moans on one side were growing louder, the fervent filth they called out growing louder and LOUDER while the couple on the other side screamed such vitriol at each other that she thought she could feel her soul curdling inside her body. Both couples were so LOUD, screaming and panting and groaning and the thump-thump-THUMP of a headboard slamming against the too-thin wall.

She pressed the pillow tighter around her head, mashing it against her ears. The pain was growing in her brain, the headache having grown so much worse over the last two hours. To the point that she’d begun to fantasize about going to the door and stepping outside.

There would be the howling screams and They would appear. She would be torn apart, she knew it, her blood and viscera splashed so far and wide and horrifying that it would be near to impossible to clean up. The motel owners would have to use bleach and paint to wipe away the mess, and even then the cement would be stained forever.

But those assholes… They would kill her, yes, but they would also kill everyone else staying in this section of the motel. They would kill her, but that would not slate their bloodlust, the need for violence and murder.

Assaulted by the loudness of her neighbors, the continuous torment of their screaming and their lust and the THUMP-THUMP-THUMP of that damned headboard… She was tempted.

All she had to do was open the door and step outside.

=END=

~Harper Kingsley
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