WTF Cowboy.m4a
Yeah. I sing off the top of my head… and the brain worms spill out.

This is obviously a JOKE song. Please do not take it seriously.

pasta maker

I got the pasta maker I was lusting over and… I’m sending it back. So disappointing.

It’s an amazing machine. An electric pasta maker that also comes with a handle so it can be used manually. You don’t even have to roll out the dough at all. You can just stick a finger flattened wad into the machine and perfect sheets of pasta come out. Or if you put the cutter on you can go straight from a worked dough to noodles with no hassle.

It was loud, but I was willing to cope with that because the machine itself was so great.

It’s just… there was black stuff coming out.

I ran a test wad of dough through, and there were black streaks on the dough edges. And I was just like "Well, instructions for other, manual machines say to run some spare dough through to clean the rollers. I can deal with this." but it didn’t stop.

I kept rolling the dough through, and MORE black stuff kept coming out. Even a CHUNK of black stuff dropped out after I’d rolled the dough through like ten times. It was very disgusting and worrisome.

I love the machine. It’s a great design ruined by substandard practices. Like, you can up the quality a bit and buy food grade rollers and cutters. Come on!

I have no idea what that black stuff was. But it wasn’t stopping coming out. And even if it did, I don’t know where it was coming from and what kind of residue it’s left behind.

Loving something doesn’t mean eating a bunch of possibly cancer-causing goop. No thank you. We have a vaccine for that.

So while the machine is everything I want,–

• electric, so I can switch it on and instantly make pasta
• washable WITH WATER
• makes dough sheets so I can make potstickers and ravioli
• cuts noodles
• fun to use

–back it goes.

And I’m very sad about that. I really wanted the machine to work out for me.

When the refund money comes, I’m going to try one of those electric hairdryer-looking pasta extruder machines. They don’t make sheets (my potstickers!) but I’ll be able to squeeze out spaghetti, linguini, fettuccini, some of them let you do macaroni, I don’t know, I’m still looking around.

Though honestly, if I had the money and I was just looking at a "spaghetti maker," I would splurge for a Phillips Pasta and Noodle Maker. There’s even extra shaping discs you can buy to make different kinds of shapes.

You throw the flour and the liquid in, and minutes later the machine squeezes out noodles.

It says there’s a lasagna disc, though I’m not sure how wide the dough is (potstickers???) and if you can sandwich two sheets and make your own ravioli. But it’s there as an option.

Stardew Valley

I think the appeal of Stardew Valley is that it’s the closest most of us will ever come to owning a home of our own. You get a character that inherits a LARGE piece of property that comes with a livable house already installed. And while the character starts off with a limited amount of money, with a little bit of work they’re able to afford not just surviving in a cute little town but also upgrading their gear and their house and their entire lifestyle in a way that doesn’t seem possible IRL.

I mean, you could make $1,000 a day and NEVER become a billionaire in your entire lifetime.

While in Stardew Valley, you could spend a day fishing, sell everything you catch and forage on your way back home, and you’ll have $50,000 in a couple of days. Amazing.

Being able to simulate a life that you desire but will never have is enjoyable. It takes away from the complete horror story that real life has become. Yet at the same time it waters down the realization that billionaires are parasites sucking the lifeblood out of us all.

Like, I don’t want to get into identity politics or anything… but billionaires actually really suck. In nearly all ways.

And I know, "They give a ton of money to charity! When we beg and plead for them to show an ounce of humanity, they will pay for someone’s desperately needed cancer treatment! They’re just like us!" but come on. Medical-for-all would cover life-saving treatments and you don’t have to metaphorically suck the dick of a soulless Gargamel.

I love Stardew Valley and I can happily spend tens of hours at a time farming and fishing and seducing the local townies. It’s a solid joy of a game and I’m still only on my first basic farm setup.

It’s a wonderful game with a lot to do without the pressure other games put on you.

There’s "missions," but you choose to do them, and if you fail to finish them there’s no consequences. Your guy just goes around doing farm stuff and miner stuff and explorer stuff and the stress is at an avoidable level. It’s a very pastoral existence much at odds with the stress of living in a modern world.

It’s a quality game.

~Harper Kingsley

https://paypal.me/harperkingsley.

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https://www.youtube.com/c/HarperKingsley.

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Things I question about this life

Do I need to replace metal stylus tips?

I have a Kindle Scribe, as I have previous bragged about. It is one of my favorite devices–though I do use my phone more. But that’s a necessary part of modern life. It’s my mobile Internet source and personal access to my (very little) money. The Scribe is for fun.

I carry my Scribe around with me and I used it enough when I first got it that I ran through all the plastic stylus tips that came with it. And then I had to buy more, and I used up those and had to buy more and…

Finally I bought the metal tips and even though it came in a multipack, I’ve been using the first one for many a month.

It was definitely a good purchase choice.

I just wonder if there comes a point when I’m supposed to replace it. I’m not sure if it’s wearing down, or if that’s how it’s always looked.

But I don’t want to wait to replace it and end up scratching my screen.

I don’t have a screen protector because I hate them. There’s always a bubble or a bit of dust or some weird eyelash or something, and that really upsets me. I mean, I haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD, but I’m pretty sure that what I have is OCD. Definitely OCD-adjacent.

So do I need to replace metal stylus tips? Or am I good for the life of the device?

WTF are they thinking?

Seriously: What is the plan???

I realize that some people would get loud and start throwing things around… But why didn’t they assign more Supreme Court judges?

When a group of people colluded to trick their lifetime choices onto the highest court… the court pretty much lost its legitimacy in the eyes of the people.

Like, if terrible people are going to break the unspoken moral code, then doesn’t that mean the code doesn’t exist? Do the things you’re legally allowed to do!

For reals, it would give all those annoying book ban people something else to focus on than other peoples’ children.

It’s like, how are they still allowed to do what they’re doing??? If they don’t want their kids to have access to certain books… why isn’t there a system in place whereby the child’s library card is limited?

They go to check out a book, and the librarian calls up their account and goes “Nope. Your parent or guardian filled out an online or paper form and you’re not allowed to borrow this book.” Boom. It’s that easy.

Why are other people deciding what limits a parent can put in place?

Like, Patty Hurstsess doesn’t want her kid to read “Dune” because of the terrorism implications in the series. Okay. Then when her kid walks up to the library counter, the librarian doesn’t allow them to check out the book. Simple.

And I know: “But my child could go into the library and read the books there!”

Well blah.

If you care that much about the content your child is exposed to, then there’s plenty of other books you shouldn’t be allowing your children or teens to read.

Seriously, if you’re throwing a massive fit about “Slaughterhouse Five” or “Animal Farm” or “Brave New World” or “Anne Frank’s Diary” and completely ignoring all the new shit that’s out there??? You’re a joke. Shut up and read.

For the “concerned parents” there should be a section of books in the library that contains “safe” books. And whenever the class goes to the library, that’s the area where their kids can hang out. Everybody else can freely access all the other books in the library. Easy peasy.

School libraries already follow guidelines about age-appropriate books. AND they don’t just listen to what some random weirdo selling on Amazon says. (“My book is for teens! It’s chock full of fatphobia, needless emotional torture, and thinly veiled violence. The romance is super cute–with all the threats of suicide and the ‘maybe statutory rape’ and the ageism I put in to show that I’m young and hip and totally able to connect with the yoots of today.”)

There is a catalogue of children’s library appropriate books that librarians purchase from.

And sure, some books for teens contain hard to deal with content, but the books chosen are the softest way to present topics the teens are going to come across. Such-as: Death. Assault. Being falsely accused. Medical malfeasance. Poverty. Self-harm. Unpleasant employers. Untrustworthy friends. Bad parenting. Foul language.

And I know. Some people are like “My child should not read about those sorts of things because we actually take care of our kids. None of that stuff has ever been in their life, and we want to keep it that way. We got our children brand new. They’re pristine and untouched by the filth of this hellish world.” Then they’re surprised when their kid grows up to be an Internet Troll/cult member. The kind of dude that laughs at ultra-violence videos and shrugs off casual IRL violence as no big deal.

Like, having empathy doesn’t mean having to personally experience something.

You can read about bad things in an understanding way via stories. You can “glimpse” into other peoples’ lives and realize compassion.

If all a kid grows up with are videos presented by unmonitored algorithms, at some point videos of the lowest common denominator start popping up so regularly that a person can’t help clicking. (“Fine. I’ll watch this so it stops being on my For You feed.”)

And like, when I see crap and lies, I’m able to recognize it. A kid that’s never read books for edutainment has no wheelhouse to draw against. (“These videos are teaching me so much! I’m going to poach some eggs in the microwave and cure my smallpox by eating 12-day old badly dehydrated banana skins.”)

Homeschool kids are the most vulnerable to “real world shock,” but so are the kids that “never read.”

When you’re being presented with media via written words or audio, you have to focus. You can’t set the book to a faster speed like a video and skip through it. You can skim the content, but you can’t read without some amount of concentration.

When you’re reading the words, your eyes have to decode the sentences and paragraphs and your brain has to build a mental image of events. Listening to the audio, it can be tuned out, but when you’re focused your brain still has to translate words into mental pictures.

You’re giving your brain a workout. Especially when the content contains metaphors and symbolism and discussable content.

There’s nothing like reading a book and coming up with your own ideas about the content and then reading someone else’s review or joining a book discussion.

Finding out that other people have different points of view is the gateway to accepting that other people exist.

We are not NPCs. We are human beings.

Not everyone wants to raise their child as an intelligence-phobic Luddite. And when you’re telling other people what books their child is allowed to read? You’re acting like a clown. Stop yourself.

Reads with Rachel on YouTube has really made me want to read "An Elderly Lady Must Not Be Crossed" by Helene Tursten (Amazon link: https://amzn.to/45Lzlxg).

Summary: "Don’t let her age fool you. Maud may be nearly ninety, but if you cross her, this elderly lady is more sinister than sweet.

"Just when things have finally cooled down for 88-year-old Maud after the disturbing discovery of a dead body in her apartment in Gothenburg, a couple of detectives return to her doorstep. Though Maud dodges their questions with the skill of an Olympic gymnast a fifth of her age, she wonders if suspicion has fallen on her, little old lady that she is. The truth is, ever since Maud was a girl, death has seemed to follow her.

"In these six interlocking stories, memories of unfortunate incidents from Maud’s past keep bubbling to the surface. Meanwhile, certain Problems in the present require immediate attention. Luckily, Maud is no stranger to taking matters into her own hands . . . even if it means she has to get a little blood on them in the process.

"Includes cookie recipes"
The Elderly Lady series sounds like a fun series.

Like, if you’ve read the Dexter books, you know that there was a courageous attempt at humor that didn’t really land. There’s a reason they removed so much of that nonsense for the TV series. It doesn’t work in a visual medium.

And like, nobody really wants a serial killer running around in real life. They’re just incredibly problematic people. In every regard.

But there’s something charming about reading dark humor serial killer books. There doesn’t need to be a load of drama. No police chases. No "I have to make a horrifyingly gory murder trap to kill a bunch of people so I can cover up all the murders I committed before" shenanigans.

Have you ever seen the 1996 movie "The Last Supper" starring Cameron Diaz, Ron Eldard, Annabeth Gish, Jonathan Penner, and Courtney B. Vance as five graduate students sharing a house? Through a series of events, they begin killing people and burying their bodies in the backyard. Which results in some phenomenal tomatoes.

It’s like the "Death Note" without the Death Note and global access to the Internet. They swiftly go from killing people "that deserve it" to killing people that they feel even moderately judgmental about.

The setting is perfect. You couldn’t make that movie in a modern setting. It’s the lack of cellphones and the inability to tell anyone what’s happening that makes the movie.

If those events were being shown in a movie today, people would be wondering why some of those dinner guests weren’t letting people know that they’ve found themselves having dinner with weirdos. And at least one of them would have location services turned on.

Being set in 1996, people could completely disappear like that. You’d get in a car to travel across the country, and unless you stopped in every town and used the payphone to call someone and tell them where you were… They would just be like "So-and-so is supposed to show up on Thursday."

There was no way to contact someone because you wouldn’t know where they were.

So in "The Last Supper," all those people they disappeared could have fallen into a black hole for all anyone knew.

And that’s kind of how I feel about "An Elderly Lady Must Not Be Crossed." From what I understand, it’s a collection of short stories about an elderly lady that uses peoples’ ageism to get away with her current murders. And in between, there’s recountings of some of the murders she committed throughout the years, starting at a relatively young age.

She got away with her crimes because she was doing them before the 2000s. And after that she was "just an old lady" that nobody let themselves suspect.

There are so many "famous" real life serial killers that never would have gotten away with their crimes for so long if they hadn’t lived in the past. Like, the story of one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s teenaged victims escaping mostly naked into the street only to be returned to him by THE POLICE is mindboggling. There’s no way that could happen now because someone would be reviewing the bodycam footage later and go "What the fuck was that?!?"

So I’m interested in reading a book series about an older person getting away with murder because of ageism. To have all suspicion be turned away by her claims of "Oops, had a senior moment."

~Harper Kingsley

https://paypal.me/harperkingsley.

https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.

https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog.
https://kimichee.com.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/HarperKingsley.
https://www.youtube.com/c/HarperKingsley.