The Kid and I made pizza tonight and ruined it.

I’ve made my own pizza before — it’s super easy — and I usually line my cookie sheet with tinfoil to keep the mess to a minimum. But tonight I wanted to try waxed paper. Big mistake.

The pizza came out with its own paper wrapper that refused to peel off. It was a terrible situation, and an otherwise beautiful and lovingly prepared pizza was ruined.

I should have taken some pictures to show you. Looking at the beauty of the pre-baked pizza would have made you weep, especially when we were trying to get the paper off and ended up just eating all the pepperoni and cheese.

Next time I make pizza, I’ll take some pics to show you how it’s supposed to look.

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Easy Pizza

Ingredients:

  • 3 cups flour
  • 1 pkg active dry yeast
  • 1 Tbsp sugar
  • 1 tsp salt
  • Seasonings to taste
  • 2 Tbsp vegetable or olive oil
  • 1 cup warm water
  • spaghetti or pizza sauce
  • mozzarella cheese
  • toppings

Directions:

  • Preheat oven to 375-degrees F.
  • Wrap a cookie sheet with tinfoil. Or use a pizza pan if you don’t like rectangular pizza.
  • In a large bowl add 3 cups flour, 1 pkg active dry yeast, 1 tsp salt, 1 Tbsp white sugar, and seasonings (I usually add garlic powder and Italian seasoning. Makes the crust not so bland. If you don’t have any spices, you can have a plain crust and it tastes fine.)
  • Add 2 Tbsp vegetable or olive oil and 1 cup warm water. Mix with your hand, kneading into the bowl. Keep stretching and folding the dough until there’s no loose flour or crumbly bits and the dough becomes smooth and easy to work.
  • At this point you can either use the dough as is, or cover and let sit for half an hour. I usually just throw it on the pan because I’m hungry/impatient or both.
  • Plop the dough in the middle of the tinfoiled baking sheet, and working from the middle toward the edges, use your fingers and palms to spread the dough. It will seem like there’s not nearly enough dough, but keep working it and it will stretch to cover a whole 15″ x 10″ pan. Try to keep the same thickness across the whole pizza and you can add a bit of a lip around the edge to give yourself some crust if you like it.
  • Spread with spaghetti or pizza sauce and sprinkle with cheese. Arrange your toppings as you like. (I like Canadian bacon, diced tomatoes, black olives, and jalapenos, though pepperoni pizza is always a classic. You can even change up the sauce and experiment a little.)
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes. Let stand at least 5 minutes before cutting. (Give your cheese a chance to firm up before slicing. Otherwise you’ll start cutting and all your toppings will slide off.)

Making a pizza at home can feed your family for less than $5 per pizza.

(Prego spaghetti sauce: $1.88-2.50 a jar and you only need a small amount; Canadian bacon or pepperoni: $2-3 for a package and you can make 2-3 pizzas if you don’t eat all the slices; shredded mozzarella cheese: $1.50-3 for a package; flour: $3 for a whole bag; white sugar: $2-3 for a whole bag; active dry yeast packets: $1.50-3 comes 3-to-a-pack; salt: $0.50-0.90 for a canister; Italian seasoning: $0.50-2 for a shaker bottle; and garlic powder: $0.50-2 for a shaker.)

Hogfather at Amazon

Title: Caspian Dukes and His Best Friend’s Husband
Author: Harper Kingsley
World: Heroes & Villains
Frame set: Allies & Enemies, “Good Times”
Characters: Caspian Dukes, Vereint Georges, Warrick Tobias, Melissa Kim
Pairings: Vereint Georges/Warrick Tobias
Genre: friendship, superhero, meta
Summary: Vereint and Caspian go see a movie together.

“I’ll have to remember that,” Caspian said.

“Lock it, put it in your pocket. Now we’ve gotta run if we want to make it on time.” Vereint lifted the shopping bags out of the cart with one hand and caught Caspian’s sleeve with the other. “Come on.”

Caspian followed him out onto the street. The movie theater was only a few blocks from the store.

* * *

They were nearly alone in the theater. It was nice not to be packed tight with a bunch of strangers. They were able to enjoy the movie as though they were alone.

“That was a great movie,” Vereint said as they left. He dropped his cup in the garbage with a slosh of melty ice. He shook the last few pieces of popcorn into his mouth before crumpling the bag and throwing it away.

“This was a good idea,” Caspian said agreeably.

“Let’s go pick up that stuff and take a taxi home,” Vereint said. “Unless there’s something else you want to do?”

Caspian shrugged. “I’m good. Maybe we should bring something back for Warrick and the kid?”

Vereint thought. There were some bananas at home and plenty of chocolate sauce. “We could stop off for some ice cream. Banana splits sound really good.”

“Score!” Caspian grinned.

They walked to the locker Vereint had rented. They’d had a good time and Vereint felt like the night had been a success.

Which was when the man with the gun stepped out of the alley. He wore a ballcap low over his eyes and had pulled his scarf up over the lower half of his face. “Gimme all your money,” he growled.

“Really?” Caspian asked.

Vereint looked around. They were the only ones in this corner of the street. He saw a group of laughing people disappear into a restaurant, a slender girl reaching out to touch a Chinese lantern in passing. They were alone with the wannabe mugger.

If they had been two different people this would have been a terrifying situation.

“I said, gimme all your money,” the mugger barked aggressively.

“Do you know who I am?” Caspian asked.

“I don’t give a fuck,” the mugger said. “Give me the money or I start blasting.”

Caspian stepped in front of Vereint, a rather gentlemanly action. “Look, no one wants to get shot tonight, but no one wants to hand over their wallet either. At the same time, I don’t think you would like what would happen if you pulled that trigger.”

“Oh yeah, what are you going to do?” the mugger asked. His finger tightened on the trigger.

Caspian was remarkably graceful as he lunged forward, his hand slapping the mugger’s arm with a deceptive lightness that resulted in the loud crack! of the ulna breaking. Caspian kept moving forward, his right leg twisting around the would-be mugger’s to bring him down to the ground.

The man screamed and clutched his broken arm, which flopped limply. Vereint took one look before grimacing and averting his eyes. That arm looked disturbingly gross.

“You’re hurting me! You’re hurting me!” the man screamed, wriggling in Caspian’s firm grip. “Fuck you, man. You’re hurting me!”

“You tried to shoot me,” Caspian said. “You’re lucky all you got was a broken arm.”

“Fuck you! Fuck you!”

“Real nice,” Caspian said, holding the guy with one hands while pulling his phone out of his pocket with the other. “Good thing there’s no kids around or I might have to break your other arm. Now quiet down before I get testy and really hurt you.”

“You can’t do this to me. I have rights.”

“Shut up.” Caspian held the phone to his ear. “Yeah, hi, hello, this is Caspian Dukes and I’ve got a downed mugger near the corner of Lotus and Sprout Street. Can you come pick him up? Ha, yeah. Thanks.”

Caspian stuck his phone back in his pocket and smirked at the would-be mugger. “And that’s that. Someone will be by to pick you up shortly.” He lightly flicked the back of the man’s head when he started cursing in response.

Vereint glanced at his watch. “About how long is this going to be?”

“They said it would be about eight or ten minutes,” Caspian said. “I usually have priority, but this is just a mugger, not a supervillain. I don’t think they’re going to show up with lights blazing.”

“Right.” Vereint hooked his thumb down the street. “I’m going to go to the locker. That way we can leave as soon as they pick this guy up. That okay with you?”

“Yeah, that’s cool,” Caspian said.

“Okay. Then I’ll be over there,” Vereint said. “Don’t leave without me.”

Caspian waved at him. He was completely comfortably crouching next to the supine mugger. Never mind that he was in civilian clothes, he looked ready to burst into action at any moment. It brought a nostalgic smile to Vereint’s lips–back when he’d been a superhero fanboy, pictures of Caspian Dukes had been on his collectible list. To get a picture of Caspian dressed like a normal guy hovering over a baddie would have blown teenaged Vereint’s mind. He would have framed the print and hung it on his bedroom wall.

Even though he was an adult, there was a part of him that would always be a product of that boy’s life. And Caspian had been one of young-Vereint’s heroes.

TBC…

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Check out “Allies & Enemies” at: All Romance Ebooks, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BookStrand, Goodreads, iTunes, Kobo, Less Than Three Press, Smashwords. — superhero, urban fantasy, mm, drama. Darkstar x Blue Ice.

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And for your enjoyment:

“2NE1: Can’t Nobody”

Small Gods at Amazon

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To get the taste of bad commercials out of my mouth, here’s some more music videos for your viewing-listening pleasure. Enjoy.

“He-Man: What’s Going On” – A classic that never loses its nerd flavored awesome. Break this out when you need a pick me up. Plus the Kid thought it was the most hilarious thing he’d ever seen. I think he might have peed a little from joy.

“Divinyls: I Touch Myself” – I don’t want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself.

“Marcy Playground: Sex and Candy” – Like disco super fly. I smell sex and candy, yeah. Who’s that lounging in my chair?

“Lotion of the Lambs” – made from the song “Lotion” by the Greenskeepers. Creepy Silence of the Lambs parody song that’s too delicious not to at least listen to once.

“Linda Ronstadt: Blue Bayou” – The way she sings this song… it’s been a favorite of mine since the first time I ever heard her voice. Wonderful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7UBpkw1elg

“The Bangles (Susanna Hoffs): Eternal Flame” – I love this song and the sound of her voice. “Am I only dreaming, or is this burning an eternal flame? Say my name. Sun shines through the rain.”

“Arden Cho: Eyes, Nose, Lips (Taeyang)” – Korean cover.

“Arden Cho: Let Her Go Passenger” – Another cover from Arden Cho. This is the first song I ever heard her sing.

Whew, slipped those just under the midnight wire. See you next Monday? Maybe.

Allies & Enemies at Amazon

“It never hurts to ask.” What a douchey commercial, Ford. Seriously.

In recent years, I’ve noticed a lack of true holiday spirit and love/caringness for other people. I’m not saying I’m in any way a perfect person or anything — knitting socks for orphans and giving out kitten mittens even to people that don’t want them — but I am enough of a person to recognize when there’s something very wrong with the world.

The eHarmony commercials with the little girl, and now little boy, are a bit creepy. Not just because the old man keeps popping up during other peoples’ dates and saying weird things, but because the know-it-all little girl sets my teeth on edge.

And now I think the Ford commercials are even worse. I mean, the kid doesn’t even bother to meet Santa face-to-face while he’s demanding a $70,000+ truck. No, he does it over the phone and never once says thank you or please. It’s just “Santa, I’ve been such a good kid, give me a truck that I can’t even drive for another 7 years.”

If I were doing a truck commercial featuring Santa and someone wanting a new truck, I would have shown a man or woman working hard and saving money to get a truck. Something happens — maybe a family member gets sick, something — and s/he’s forced to give up the Truck Fund to help someone else. Then another person — maybe Santa himself, otherwise someone with a lot of money doing a good deed and dressing like Santa when doing it — hears about what s/he did, and shows up with the truck s/he was researching and admiring online — which is good placement for the Ford website — and gives over the keys. Then a whole scene with the joyous new truck owner and family, maybe other people in the community that were so appreciative of her/his sacrifice to help someone else that they want to be involved.

And to make the commercial truly heartwarming, I would add a small child or two — highlighting the fact that a good new truck can fit a carseat — and maybe there’d be a scrappy dog.

I don’t know. I remember a time when commercials were moving little mini-stories around the holiday season displaying happy families and people caring about others. Now, though, it mostly seems to be bratty kids demanding lots of expensive presents that they don’t deserve. It makes me sad. And annoyed.

So here’s a wag of the finger to you, Ford Motors. Your commercial sucks. Expect a visit from the Internet Krampus.