Mailed

There are times when…

I am completely crazy. Certifiable. And the worst part isn’t the being crazy, but the knowing I’m being crazy and not being able to stop myself.

Sometimes I can’t control the volume of my voice so I mutter and mumble or I nearly shout and my laughter’s too loud. Other times I find myself waking up in the middle of some big lecture on like politics or Firefly. And then there are the times when I want to hide myself away forever and if I was a billionaire I’d be an elusive one.

There’s like a dozen-dozen people all fighting for space inside my skin, and every single one of them is deathly afraid of being known. I thrive on being the outsider even as some part of me is begging not to be so desperately alone.

I realize that I could step outside my door and meet a hundred people in any of a million ways, yet I can’t seem to manage to take that step. Instead I lurk in the shadows like Batman, which is oddly fitting considering what I write.

Yes, I write about superheroes and supervillains and people with amazing abilities. It’s something that I’ve done since I started my first book way back at the dawn of time; a vampire story early in the Of Blood universe. That book was super long and traveled here and there without settling down anywhere, and was truly a masterpiece considering I was 15 when I wrote it.

You could already tell my brilliance at that time because there was only one Mary Sue, and she was a secondary character pulling a cameo. So not only did I base a character on myself, I went full on self-insert. It makes me laugh now. And the funny thing is that back then I didn’t even know that fanfiction existed.

My roots are buried deep into original fiction, and it all started with vampires, and not the ones from Buffy. Nope, I didn’t even start watching Buffy until 2000, then I became a SUPER FAN. Before that, though, I was already fascinated with vampires, starting with the first time I read “The Silver Kiss.” It’s why all my vampires have white-blond hair; I actually wrote that into my canon.

Then there was L.J. Smith’s Vampire Diaries and NightWorld books; I devoured those by the dozen as a moody teenager. My then-friend Michelle tried to get me into pre-porn Anita Blake, but I was totally into young adult books at the time — stuff like Christopher Pike, Andre Norton, Patricia Wrede, Gordon Korman — and I was like “Nope.”

I read all the early-Anne Rice books (right up until they got too outside my interest) and I tried Charlaine Harris, but they didn’t hold me for too long. My vampire love took me to Lord Byron as a vampire and Jonathan Barret, then went even further to hit up sci-fi’s C.S. Friedman and her “The Madness Season.” Of course I also managed to read about Terry Pratchett’s version of Discworld vampires, which made me kick my feet with delight before I read “They Thirst” by Robert R. McCammon (who also wrote “Swan Song,” “The Wolf’s Hour,” and “Stinger.”)

And somewhere during all the reading about vampires, I started writing about them too. Stories of hating immortality but being afraid to die, a man forever trapped in the body of a young boy, and plenty of werewolves and wereleopards and elves. It got to the point where I had written so much into Lianndra that it’s become impossible to work with. It lives in a box now, my beloved headache. My first completed novel.

I’m proud that I wrote that first novel, jumped that first hoop, finished that first story because I’ve never stopped. I’ve written and written and poured out all these different messages that have been building up in my brain, and my books are my panacea.

Writing frees me from the crazy, but the crazy drives the writing. So sometimes I am completely crazy.

I need to buy new clothes. Like everything.

When I was working for the casino, I would buy a lot of clothes and books and movies and things. I spent so much money, but I stockpiled all the things I never had before and that I have now.

Seriously, when you start out with virtually nothing–just one suitcase to your name–you spend the first year just trying to bring yourself to a liveable standard. And of course, right in the middle of all that, I had my nephew living with me and he needed *everything.* He literally only had the clothes he was wearing.

Now though, I find myself needing a shopping spree once again. I’ve been rotating through my giant box of clothes, but eveything has writing on it. My terrible sense of humor is on full display and I feel like I’m to the point of wanting Grown Up clothes.

I wish that when I was blowing all that money I’d thought ahead and gotten a few responsible outfits. But if I’m wishing for impossible things, I wish I would have married a millionaire or won the lottery.

I just have to deal with the reality in front of me. Please excuse me as I grab my rose-colored glasses.

I am in a writing mood today and I love it.

There are just some days when you wake up thinking, “I am going to finish some stuff.” And that was me today.

-I’ve wrapped up a few chapters of Paradigm Shift. I write them on my Kindle using ColorNote, putting each piece on the day it will be posted. I write at least four mini-screens for each post, giving me a minimum of 500 words per. (We’re already past the 30k mark, and that’s not talking the bonus Park POVs.)

I started with the 500 chunklet method with Paradigm Shift, but I’ve also started using it for other projects. I have proof that I’ve got my daily minimums when I can see it right there on a calendar view. So that’s really helped keep me focused and on task.

-I’ve been editing A&E. Reading through it I am kind of boggling at the amount of detail. My mindmust secretly be a steel trap because everything ties to everything else.

I’ll be truthful. I don’t know how it is for other writers, but for me a lot of the time it feels like a story moves through me. I retain a general outline of events in my head, but for the most part I’m already to the next section. So when I come back and read the complete manuscript all the way through for the first time, I’m experiencing it as a reader.

That first read through is awesome. The fiftieth read through … not as awesome. So, fresh off the first complete read, I am kind of shocked by how perfectly it fits to Heroes & Villains. Yes, it’s the sequel, but I didn’t think I’d put so much set up in H&V until there it was being used.

I feel like Hannibal Smith does all the time. Lighting up a
self-satisfied cigar: “I love it when a plan comes together.”

-I’ve been working on some genhet sci-fi stories. Non-romance working sci-fi with like robots and lasers and dinosaurs. All the serious stuff.

There’s something kind of thrilling about trying to fit a whole world into a small packet of words. There’s no room for extraneous babble.

-Ugh. I need about $50k to pay off all my debts and help my dad out. It’s weird when all of a family’s problems can be solved with a winning lottery ticket. I mean, I’m not selfish enough to be pushing to get 1% rich, but I would at least like to go back to $0.

It just seems that whenever my game gets reset, instead of being put back at the beginning, I find myself more and more in the negative. And being -$50k … That’s actually kind of terrifying.

-Also, I finally watched Cabin In the Woods (it’s on Netflix now), and REALLY? I was with it all the way through to the end, and now I’m wondering if there might be an alternate ending where someone has a little more selflessness in them. Too bad Chris Evans’ character from Sunshine wasn’t there, though Chris Hemsworth … mm … I missed the waving Thor locks, but I was right there with it.

-Oh, and I saw that there’s an Ender’s Game movie coming out. Am I the only one that’s scared they’re going to ruin it? I mean, if they turn it into an empty sci-fi action movie I’m going to be *so* angry.

Ender’s Game and Dune are two books that had a big effect on me as a kid and that have helped to shape my interest in science fiction. Other major influences: Andre Norton (author), CJ Cherryh (author), David Drake (author), L.E. Modesitt Jr (author), Star Trek (TV show), Star Wars (movie), and Enchantress From the Stars (book).

-I’ve gotta talk someone into getting me a Hulu gift certificate as a present. I had to drop it months ago, but I really miss it. Plus I need research material for my Big Bang story. Yes, I said no more, but this one is super cool and I just couldn’t resist. We’re talking Poison Ivy and Inque levels of awesome ^_^

Also, after all the Community gifsets I’ve seen around, I kind of want to watch the show. I hate coming into something really late in the series (like I wish I’d known about Rules of Engagement before they were into their fifth season. That was some *great* advertising there.) So I would love to have some Hulu back in my life. Plus, because of the lack-of-buffering problem we’ve got going with Netflix, my dad would probably appreciate being able to watch *something* on the days with no good programming. Because that’s always when the Netflix decides not to work.

My brother is pretty heated right now. Like to the point that if that woman shows up again he’s probably going to chuck a rock through her car window.

I know that sounds pretty bad, but here’s the story:

Yesterday I was sitting on the porch minding my own business with my dog at my side. A red car drives down the hill and stops next to the lilac bush next to our driveway. I thought the driver was just making a phone call or something, until I started hearing the click-click of clippers.

I yelled at her to “Hey, stop! That’s our bush!” But she just clipped faster. Then I got to her car and I start yelling at her, and she pulls out the “I didn’t know anyone lived here. I just thought it was a vacant lot. I was just picking some of these for my sick daughter and blah blah blah.”

I was so pissed off, but there wasn’t anything I could do short of pulling her out of her car and beating her up. Which if you know me, would never happen. Damn my passive-aggressive tendencies.

I’m more the kind of person that will avoid personal confrontration, then lay out a bunch of caltrops and metal spikes to mess up her car if she thinks she’s going to do that again. Already we’re planning to put some heavy rocks there so no one will have room to park. It was already annoying enough that people thought it was cool to use our driveway as their phone break stop.

Anyways, my brother got back today and went to look at the bush and he’s really mad. He says people have cut off all the flowers on the side facing the street, just big chunks cut off.

I know someone out there is like “Well, it’s just a bush. The flowers will grow back next year.” Unfortunately, there’s a good chance that because of the damage our bush won’t be rounded and nice to look at anymore, but all spiky and ugly.

So thanks lady. I’m sure you won’t be upset when I come to your house and just take whatever I want. I’ll use the lame excuse that my dog is sick and needs some flowers/garden hoses/hubcaps/planters and I’m sure you’ll be all cool with that.

And by the way, she was driving a brand new expensive car. Like expensive enough that she could have totally afforded buying some flowers. She just thought she could help herself.

And she brought her own clippers to do it.

So be on the lookout for a fake redhead woman, about 50-65, slender build, fake attitude, dresses like she thinks she’s going boating. And just to let you know, she is going to be dying a series of gruesome deaths for the next several years, and if I do a good enough job, she might even recognize herself.