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0 comments on "A cellphone is sacrosanct"

I do not answer other people’s cellphones unless they ask me to. Voice mail exists for a reason.

A house phone is public property that any family member can use. A cellphone — that’s like a computer, a diary, a person’s whole life compacted down into an easy to carry device.

It’s one of the last bastions of American freedom. In a world where every moment of your life is documented whether you want it to be or not, you at least get to decide *who* invades your privacy.

Big Brother is watching. But he better know to keep his mouth shut.

Your sister flipping through your phone… That shit is cataclysmic.

Or what if a girlfriend answers your phone? She’s your girlfriend if you’re still not sure of the relationship. She’d be your *fiancee* if you want a long-term commitment. (A two-year engagement is about right, six months at the minimum. Don’t be in such a hurry to sign over half your stuff.)

Unless you verbally give permission, she should not be digging through your stuff. And you shouldn’t have given her your Social Security Number. That was dumb.

Anyways, it may seem rude that I don’t offer to answer my brother’s phone. Unless he says, “Hey Lisa, can you get that?” I’ll let it ring to voice mail.

I wouldn’t want him to pick up my cellphone, so I never bother his. It’s not mine.

He wouldn’t want my fingerprints on it, or my face grease, just as I wouldn’t want anyone else’s on mine.

A cellphone is sacrosanct. Respect it. Fear it. Stop demanding a trust people aren’t ready to give. It doesn’t make you seem more trustworthy. It just makes people uncomfortable as they tell you “No. Hell to the no.”

All Systems Red at Amazon
0 comments on "Does this seem like a fair deal to artists?"

I’ve been trying to turn this writing thing into some kind of income, but it’s slow going and there’s a few things I want that I simply cannot afford out of pocket. And that’s not just food *ba-dump-bump*

I’ve been lucky to find an awesome publisher (Less Than Three Press) and I have some novels and stories they’re already publishing for me or that I’m hoping they’ll publish for me ^_^;;

At the same time, I also self-pub some stuff. Original works, stories I’ve serialized on my site, what have you. I’m currently going through and revamping a lot of them (rewrites, extended scenes, the full nine.)

I could submit some of the original works to other places (lots of publishers don’t accept anything that’s been self-published, but some are cool with it) but I don’t think I can do that with my free-to-read stories and it makes me sad.

I really like being able to offer free stories, but once a story’s been released on the Internet most publishers don’t want it. I can self-pub those stories, but I have to arrange all the interior and cover work myself. It’s a big headache, but I’m willing to do it. I just don’t have a lot of money to work with.

I want great cover art for my self-pubbed books, but I can’t afford to pay for 20 premade covers out of pocket, much less the amount it would cost for beautiful, one-of-a-kind covers. It’s frustrating, because everyone has such pretty covers lately, and mine… Even after a year of art tutorials and photo manipulation videos, I’m still not an artist.

But my sister is.

So I offered her an agreement that she makes me covers, and she gets 5% of the cover price for all the books sold. As long as her cover is used, she gets paid, and I told her to hold onto all her sketches and whatever because they’re hers to do with as she likes. We could have like a joint book/art auction or something. It could be fun. (I know I felt bad when I didn’t have anything really cool to offer for the fandom charity auction.)

Anyways, my sister just started her new job, and other than her preliminary sketches for The Panic Pure I haven’t seen much else out of her. So if I offered the same deal — 5% of the cover for the time of use and $40 if I decide to stop using the cover early — would artists be interested in something like that?

5% doesn’t sound like a lot, but I think it’s fair. I mean, my sister spends a week working on a cover and she gets a quarterly deposit in her Paypal, plus I pimp her art everywhere. Plus a percentage if the art’s used on any kind of merchandise. I think long-term she would make more money than if I just paid $40 upfront.

*Though thinking about it, print book prices would have to be different. The royalty per book is low because of the cost of materials. So it would be more like a percentage of the cover minus cost, versus just the cover.

*

Sometimes I get jealous. I wish I could draw. If I had her ability, I would use it all the time and I would be so rich. I mean, she can draw, paint, she knows all this 3D computer art stuff, she’s done jaw dropping stuff with ceramics and glass.

And she’s working in an office filing paperwork.

I would have sold out my art skills a long time ago. “You want some naked ladies? Okay!”

*

Here’s a breakdown:
$0.99 x 5% = 0.049 is what the artist gets per book.
$0.99 x 35% = 0.35 – 0.049 = $0.301 is what I get per book.

Through Amazon:
0.99 x 35% = 0.35 -||- 0.99 x 5% = 0.049 -||- 0.35 – 0.049 = 0.301
1.99 x 35% = 0.69 -||- 1.99 x 5% = 0.099 -||- 0.69 – 0.099 = 0.591
2.99 x 70% = 2.09 -||- 2.99 x 5% = 0.149 -||- 2.09 – 0.149 = 1.941
3.99 x 70% = 2.79 -||- 3.99 x 5% = 0.199 -||- 2.79 – 0.199 = 2.591
4.99 x 70% = 3.49 -||- 4.99 x 5% = 0.249 -||- 3.49 – 0.249 = 3.241
5.99 x 70% = 4.19 -||- 5.99 x 5% = 0.299 -||- 4.19 – 0.299 = 3.891
6.99 x 70% = 4.89 -||- 6.99 x 5% = 0.349 -||- 4.89 – 0.349 = 4.541
7.99 x 70% = 5.59 -||- 7.99 x 5% = 0.399 -||- 5.59 – 0.399 = 5.191
8.99 x 70% = 6.29 -||- 8.99 x 5% = 0.449 -||- 6.29 – 0.449 = 5.841
9.99 x 70% = 6.99 -||- 9.99 x 5% = 0.499 -||- 6.99 – 0.499 = 6.491

Let's Make Dumplings at Amazon
0 comments on "Sometimes I get scared"

I have no idea what I’m doing. I stumble around with this stoically non-stressed face on, but I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing.

I’m scared.

When I was a kid, I thought I would grow up and it would all just come to me. A life, a job, a family, everything. It would just kind of happen.

Instead I’ve been left to wallow in my confusion. And I’m older now, so I’m getting scared that stuff is never going to work out. I’m going to live alone and die alone, and never once will I have enough money to survive.

I need a job.

I need my own place.

I need the security of knowing I’m not going to starve to death.

I feel so helpless because I don’t know how to help myself, and I don’t know who to ask for help.

Sometimes I don’t think I can breathe. My chest feels tight. It feels like a giant hand is pressing down through the top of my head.

I feel so alone.

Fortress in the Eye of Time at Amazon
0 comments on "What is the deal with airplane food…"

No, seriously, my mind is buzzing along a million miles an hour. I’m about an inch away from bouncing off the walls, yet it’s exciting and it feels good.

Mania. It’s the greatest fucking thing ever created.

Right up until it takes that downward turn and I start questioning everything I’ve ever done or ever said and I completely go off the rails. All these things I do so joyfully now, the words I scream out to the Internet and the things that I do and buy in real life … They always come back to haunt me later.

I promise things that bring me difficulty. I feel things like floating acid tripping butterflies. And at the end of the day, I have a great time either ruining or living my life.

It always feels the same either way.

Waking up with that sense that I’ve done wrong and not quite sure where I’ve misplaced my step. It sucks. I hate it. There’s nothing I can do to change it.

You don’t know what it’s like to need help so bad, but to not be able to say the words to anyone. There’s so much shame involved with any kind of mental illness. Even just using the words … mental illness … it makes my stomach crumble into knots.

There’s some days when I wake up hating everyone and everything, but when it comes down to it, it’s me that I hate. Because everything about the world I see, that’s my perception of things, the way that my brain puts it together. I am decoding messages that only I receive.

Everyone literally walks around in their own world, because each person has their own way of seeing things. So when I can look at something and all I feel is distaste, that’s my perception of things.

My idea of beauty is different and unique, as is my sense of disgust. And it all rides on what I feel at a particular time and place, the way my brain chemistry has decided to turn things. So sometimes there’s regret for the things I’ve said and didn’t say, the things I did and didn’t do, but always I’m left to deal with the consequences.

Mental illness is like being drunk all the time. Once the mood shifts, there’s nothing to block it or slow it down. When I’m angry, I’m angry. When I’m sad, I’m sad. And when I’m happy, I’m happy right up until the point I get terrified and end up hiding in the closet because everyone is out to get me.

And I write about it, and I write about it, and oh yeah, I write about it.

Even my characters that are like gods walking on Earth have problems with the way they see things or the way they react to a given situation. Or someone gets slipped some creepy drug, and having their perception of reality violently changed sends them on a bad trip. I have never written a character that is completely well-adjusted or happy in life.

Because I don’t think that perfect happiness exists. How boring would that have to be? It’s like the Matrix. When it was perfect, the human brain rejected it for a lie.

So I think the whole of humanity is a little bit crazy. It shouldn’t be something that we’re ashamed of, though it doesn’t need to be yelled from the mountain tops. It’s just a bit of mixed up chemistry.

If diet, exercise, music, and routine behavior can adjust someone’s brain to put them in a better mood and a better working order … Then it’s not something people should be stigmatized for and everyone should know that.

There’s no reason to hide away from the world, and no reason for the world to turn on someone. Mental illness is something that can easily be handled with compassion and self-knowledge.

Because knowledge is half the battle.