{"id":605,"date":"2012-04-16T10:18:58","date_gmt":"2012-04-16T17:18:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harperkingsley.wordpress.com\/?p=605"},"modified":"2023-10-17T23:38:30","modified_gmt":"2023-10-18T06:38:30","slug":"what-are-you-doing-he-ejaculated-vigorously-obviously-not-what-youre-thinking-of-she-answered-calmly-heres-some-tissues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/what-are-you-doing-he-ejaculated-vigorously-obviously-not-what-youre-thinking-of-she-answered-calmly-heres-some-tissues\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;What are you doing?&#8221; he ejaculated vigorously. &#8211; &#8220;Obviously not what you&#8217;re thinking of,&#8221; she answered calmly. &#8220;Here&#8217;s some tissues.&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So my grandpa was a self-publishing fool. He signed his books up with two companies and refused to believe they might be shady or anything. Now I have to get his books off their lists, re-edit and reformat everything, and republish them.<\/p>\n<p>He died several years ago and it&#8217;s just one of those things &#8211; I really don&#8217;t want to see his stuff being maintained by a group of people that really don&#8217;t care about him or his writings, just the money he paid them (thousands and thousands of dollars. Enough money to just make you sick.) At the time he published his stuff, there wasn&#8217;t a whole lot of self-publishing options, so he went with the old-fashioned pay some company to do nothing approach. They got thousands of dollars from him, but he was happy as long as he had a couple copies of his books.<\/p>\n<p>I told the family that I would take over his stuff though. I mean, he put so much of himself into his books, and the sad thing is that they would have been pretty good if he would just have listened to anyone about a few changes. He simply got bogged down by the details &#8211; like 1000 words right in the middle of the action about shoeing a horse or loading a wagon,<\/p>\n<p>He tried so hard to be Louis L&#8217;Amour, and he simply would not listen about just writing his own stuff. He was such a stubborn, frustrating old man. It&#8217;s no wonder he lived to be 97 &#8211; he was just too ornery to quit.<\/p>\n<p>And I&#8217;ll always remember the time he used &#8220;he ejaculated&#8221; instead of &#8220;he yelled,&#8221; then refused to change it even though I kept telling him he should. Then, when I went and changed it for him&#8230; he waited until I was gone and put it back. He finally changed it for real when the self-publishing company told him he should. Right up until then, he kept insisting I didn&#8217;t know what I was talking about.<\/p>\n<p>Crazy old man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So my grandpa was a self-publishing fool. He signed his books up with two companies and refused to believe they might be shady or anything. Now I have to get his books off their lists, re-edit and reformat everything, and republish them. He died several years ago and it&#8217;s just one of those things &#8211;&hellip;<\/p>\n <a href=\"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/what-are-you-doing-he-ejaculated-vigorously-obviously-not-what-youre-thinking-of-she-answered-calmly-heres-some-tissues\/\" title=\"&#8220;What are you doing?&#8221; he ejaculated vigorously. &#8211; &#8220;Obviously not what you&#8217;re thinking of,&#8221; she answered calmly. &#8220;Here&#8217;s some tissues.&#8221;\" class=\"entry-more-link\"><span>Read More<\/span> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">&#8220;What are you doing?&#8221; he ejaculated vigorously. &#8211; &#8220;Obviously not what you&#8217;re thinking of,&#8221; she answered calmly. &#8220;Here&#8217;s some tissues.&#8221;<\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"Layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[31,55],"tags":[268,538,618],"class_list":["entry","author-harperkingsley0-0","post-605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-journal-2","category-real-life","tag-doing-stuff","tag-old-man","tag-rl"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2pPoL-9L","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2579,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/does-this-seem-like-a-fair-deal-to-artists\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":0},"title":"Does this seem like a fair deal to artists?","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"July 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I've been trying to turn this writing thing into some kind of income, but it's slow going and there's a few things I want that I simply cannot afford out of pocket. And that's not just food *ba-dump-bump* I've been lucky to find an awesome publisher (Less Than Three Press)\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Mailed&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Mailed","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/kindled\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5520,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/non-market-place-boogie\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":1},"title":"non-market place boogie","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"May 9, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"I have come to the realization today that I am not doing enough marketing. As you know, I'm not super into the idea of hardcore capitalism. Which makes pushing my own PR hard for me, as I get this sense of almost religious guilt. How can I do something if\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":173,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/editing-the-beast-writing\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":2},"title":"editing the beast #writing","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"November 19, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I am running through \"Heroes & Villains\" again, making changes and prettying it up for print as a 6x9 trade paperback. It's kind of stressful, but I'm going at it with tenacious verve as I am aiming for an early\u00a0December\u00a0release. What does that mean for the world at large? Free\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Self-Publishing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Self-Publishing","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/self-publishing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":197,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/its-3-in-the-morning-why-am-i-still-awake-editing\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":3},"title":"It&#8217;s 3 in the morning. Why am I still awake? #editing","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"December 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I told myself I wasn't going to sleep until I finished editing. I've probably done about 100 pages, which is pretty good, and I've only got like 30 pages left. Still, every time I turn around I keep getting distracted by things on the internet ^_^ I even took some\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Discounts &amp; Specials&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Discounts &amp; Specials","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/discounts-specials\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3202,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/be-cool-leave-a-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":4},"title":"Be cool, leave a review.","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"August 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"People always want to complain that books cost too much money. I want to tell them to shut up. Because sure, books may be expensive and a luxury good, but they're worth the price of the read. And there's so many ways to read books for free. It takes a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Mailed&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Mailed","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/kindled\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/VBspR2p0YYM\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4829,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/2020-03-27-thoughts-on-things-allies-enemies\/","url_meta":{"origin":605,"position":5},"title":"2020-03-27: Thoughts on Things; Allies &#038; Enemies","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"March 27, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"So, because of \"Allies & Enemies\" on Smashwords, they sent a bunch of my old stuff for a Premium Catalogue check, which was like a reminder that \"Oh, these things exist.\" I think I'm going to rewrite my Of Blood-universe stuff. I know I was super obsessed with the vampires\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Mailed&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Mailed","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/kindled\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/605","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=605"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/605\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6470,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/605\/revisions\/6470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}