{"id":2578,"date":"2013-07-23T13:18:06","date_gmt":"2013-07-23T20:18:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harperkingsley.net\/blog\/2013\/07\/sometimes-i-get-scared\/"},"modified":"2023-10-17T23:37:57","modified_gmt":"2023-10-18T06:37:57","slug":"sometimes-i-get-scared","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/sometimes-i-get-scared\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes I get scared"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have no idea what I&#8217;m doing. I stumble around with this stoically non-stressed face on, but I have no idea where I&#8217;m going or what I&#8217;m doing.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m scared.<\/p>\n<p>When I was a kid, I thought I would grow up and it would all just come to me. A life, a job, a family, everything. It would just kind of happen.<\/p>\n<p>Instead I&#8217;ve been left to wallow in my confusion. And I&#8217;m older now, so I&#8217;m getting scared that stuff is never going to work out. I&#8217;m going to live alone and die alone, and never once will I have enough money to survive.<\/p>\n<p>I need a job.<\/p>\n<p>I need my own place.<\/p>\n<p>I need the security of knowing I&#8217;m not going to starve to death.<\/p>\n<p>I feel so helpless because I don&#8217;t know how to help myself, and I don&#8217;t know who to ask for help.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I don&#8217;t think I can breathe. My chest feels tight. It feels like a giant hand is pressing down through the top of my head.<\/p>\n<p>I feel so alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have no idea what I&#8217;m doing. I stumble around with this stoically non-stressed face on, but I have no idea where I&#8217;m going or what I&#8217;m doing. I&#8217;m scared. When I was a kid, I thought I would grow up and it would all just come to me. A life, a job, a family,&hellip;<\/p>\n <a href=\"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/sometimes-i-get-scared\/\" title=\"Sometimes I get scared\" class=\"entry-more-link\"><span>Read More<\/span> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Sometimes I get scared<\/span><\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"Layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[36],"tags":[],"class_list":["entry","author-harperkingsley0-0","post-2578","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-kindled"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2pPoL-FA","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3692,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/sometimes-i-lose-track-of-what-im-doing\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":0},"title":"Sometimes I lose track of what I&#8217;m doing.","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"August 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes I lose track of what I'm doing. I don't mean to be so flighty. It just sometimes happens that way. Here's a taste of Cake 2.8? to give you an idea of what happens. * Title: Cake 2.8? Author: Harper Kingsley Genre: Drama, Celebrity Character: Dahl Quinzant CAKE 2.8?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Mailed&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Mailed","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/kindled\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5610,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/babble-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":1},"title":"Babble 1","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"August 17, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"Babble 1 I feel very lonely today. Not in the sense that there are no people around, but I'm that way that feels like a mass extinction. Like, \"in a rescue ship looking around at the desolation but also kind of bored with it all\" lonely. There's been so much\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":131,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/depression-is-in-the-heart-of-me-sucking-my-soul-out-to-the-tune-of-misery\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":2},"title":"depression is in the heart of me&#8230; sucking my soul out to the tune of misery","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"October 11, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I sometimes feel that the world is a dark and terrible place.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Journal&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Journal","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/journal-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4172,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/prompt-061\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":3},"title":"Prompt: 061. I hear dead people","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"March 2, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Prompt: 061. I hear dead people 1. The confession was made in a breathy whisper: \"I hear dead people. I can't see them, but I can talk to them. They tell me how they died and beg for me to help them. I'm scared.\" A. The confession was made in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Prompts&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Prompts","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/prompts\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6730,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/notes-9\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":4},"title":"Notes","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"March 26, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I should be sleeping but I can't sleep. I hope I seem like friendly background noise. Like \"I don't get good sleep unless I hear her puttering around\"-ambient sound. I want the freedom to be alone which has me fantasizing and has me craving solitude. (But I'd probably feel lonely\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3597,"url":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/original-fic-being-blaise-conquistadore\/","url_meta":{"origin":2578,"position":5},"title":"ORIGINAL FIC: Being Blaise: Conquistadore","author":"Harper Kingsley","date":"March 1, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"This one goes out to Katherine. She's a wonderful patron and friend from Patreon. Title: CONQUISTADORE Author: Harper Kingsley Original Fiction World: Being Blaise Genre: drama Rating: mature(?) - He's not a bad guy. At least, he doesn't think he is. He's just someone that knows how to take care\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Free Stories&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Free Stories","link":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/category\/free-stories\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2578","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2578"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2578\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6305,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2578\/revisions\/6305"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2578"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2578"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/harperkingsley.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2578"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}