WTF

0 comments on "WTF: Microwave Pork Rinds"

So like, I was looking on Amazon for reviews for "Love Beets" brand beets (because I had a BOGO offer from Safeway) and in the corner there was an advertisement for MICROWAVE PORK RINDS.

Have you ever heard of such a thing?

I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a pork rind in my life, but you don’t understand the sheer delight I experienced watching the little pork pellets being poured into the paper bag before going into the microwave. It was oddly visceral.

Bacon Mamma Jamma was the brand with the advertisement I saw -> Amz adlink: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BNM5CLTS/?tag=harperkingsley-20 <- though upon exploring that rabbit hole a little I found out there’s a Lowrey’s Brand ->Amz adlink: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000UPFWW6/?tag=harperkingsley-20 <- that comes in like popcorn pouches.

Looking at the nutrition information, it "seems" that the Bacon Mamma Jamma brand are more "healthy," though I guess that’s subjective considering they’re PORK RINDS. I guess for sheer reviews, the Lowreys are the way to go, especially since there’s more bags and they come direct from Amazon, so no shipping and handling charges. But for healthy content? It’s the Bacon Mamma Jammas.

  • Bacon Mamma Jamma: $19.99+8.50 s/h = $28.49. For 10, 1 ounce bags.
  • Ingredients: pork rinds, salt.
  • Serving size 1 package (28g). Calories 120. Calories from fat 35. Total fat 4 9 (6% DV). Saturated fat 1.5g (8% DV). Cholesterol 0% DV. Sodium 350mg (15% DV). Total carbohydrates 0% DV. Sugars 0% DV. Protein 21g (42% DV). Vitamin A 0%. Vitamin C 0%. Calcium 2%. Iron 8%.
  • Lowreys: $23.97. For 18, 1.75 ounce bags.
  • Ingredients: pork rinds, maltodextrin, salt, less than 2% of natural flavorings, monosodium glutamate.
  • Serving size 14g (same as the Mamma Jammas). Calories 160. Calories from fat 100. Total fat 12g (18% DV). Saturated fat 4g (20% DV). Cholesterol 20mg 6% DV). Sodium 960mg (40% DV). Total carbohydrates 0% DV. Sugars 0% DV. Protein 12g (says "not a significant source of protein). Vitamin A 0%. Vitamin C 0%. Calcium 0%. Iron 0%.

The Bacon Mamma Jamma brand have protein, calcium, and iron. The Lowreys are all flavor (and that flavor is salt!).

I’m just oddly delighted that pork rinds are made like popcorn. I guess I’ve never spent any time considering how they’re made. I would just see bags of them in the chip aisle and always thought they were probably super sweaty, like Cheetos left open overnight.

We are living in the future.

~Harper Kingsley

https://paypal.me/harperkingsley.

https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.

https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog.
https://twitter.com/harperkingsley0.
https://kimichee.com.

Hogfather at Amazon
2 comments on "You wasted my time, ficcer, and now I kinda hate you"

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“This is the story that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue reading it forever, just because…”

MrYukStickerI get it. You’re writing fanfic, natural rules do not apply, blah blah blah.

But maybe there comes a point when you need to be honest with your readers and say: “I have no idea where this is going. I’ve written myself into a corner, so here’s 100,000 words about the MCs new cat, Devilicus.”

Or how about: “This story is 20% awesome plot, dialogue, and characterization. The rest is me detailing every second of their lives in excruciating detail for no other reason than that you’re going to read it and love it. Oh, and by the way, every third ‘update’ is just a random scene apparently taken from some different story. Sorry?”

Look, I love epic fics. When I’m searching a fandom I sort by COMPLETE and WORD COUNT just to enjoy the meaty, plotty goodness of a long story.

But when your WIP fic is 700,000+ words and turns to total crap when I’m 400,000 words in? We’ve got a problem.

I feel like I’ve been tricked. Especially when your spot on characterizations go zinging off into the wilds of OOCness (out-of-character) and this thought provoking and engaging story turns into baby babbling crack.

You’re churning out a crap story, yet you expect me to keep reading it? You seriously think I’m going to praise you? Really?

There’s an epic story, then there’s “This ficcer loves their baby too much to let it go and introduces drama and surprise twists just so they don’t have to shut up.”

I’m not saying you need to study three-act structure or take a creative writing class. It’s just, dude, OUTLINE. That’s all. Even just jotting down some plot points and knowing where you’re going with it will help a lot.

And I don’t end up feeling like you killed my will to live.

~Pax

Let's Make Dumplings at Amazon
2 comments on "My $0.02 Is Free: Making Coffee In Your Car"

I’m sorry, but the Handspresso Auto http://gizmodo.com/5895577/handspresso-auto-makes-coffee-in-your-car/gallery/1 seems like an incredibly stupid idea.

Not only will there be more accidents due to people trying to make coffee at stop lights or whatever, but if someone crashes their car while brewing coffee… there’s more chance of serious burn damage to the victims, probably crotch localized. So yeah, I’m going to say “No thank you” to this idea.

You’re a lot better off pulling into a gas station or a coffee shop, walking around to stretch your legs, and saving yourself the $200 for terrible coffee.

Panoply at Amazon
0 comments on "Wtf? I have no memory whatsoever story fragment of some het thing."

I don’t even know what I was thinking when I started this 🙁

The first time he saw her, Jimi knew that she was the One. The Neo to his Trinity.

She was all lean muscle and leather, her body sleek and smooth as dolphin skin. She looked like a hard woman, and the idea of it had him squirming.

She was everything he’d been dreaming of.

“All right, let’s go,” he said, striding forward. At the same time he accessed his data node and sent a quick message: I accept. Your money is being transferred as we speak. Half now and half when I leave.

So yeah. There’s a reason why I like to write full notes when I come up with a story idea. That way when I’m flipping through my notebook later I can figure out what the heck I was thinking, especially if I was inebriated at the time.

This might possibly be an S&M piece, or some kind of true love story, or I don’t even know 🙁

Bad me! No biscuit.