Star Trek

This all began after trying to watch The Taking of Pelham 123 while intoxicated. Sometimes I let my thoughts wander. They decide to go to strange places.

RE The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

I attempted to watch this movie, and it felt like I was waiting and waiting and waiting for something to happen. But nothing ever happens and the action seemed forced. It’s a story with a potential that never appears. The wrong actors were chosen for the roles; the dialogue isn’t very enthralling, but there’s a lot of it; and it felt like a character piece, but they were playing it as an ensemble. There’s the pieces of a good story, if only things had been taken in a different direction.

Seriously, movie dudes, if you’re going to redo a badly done movie, put some work into it. Correct the mistakes of the past and make a better story. Change the setting and the scenario. Make a frickin’ TV movie to create the backdrop of your universe. I mean, that doesn’t really apply to Pelham 123, but for other reboots it seems like a much better idea than destroying everything and not giving people a chance to adapt.

Take Star Trek for instance: I might have appreciated the rebooted movies more if JJ Abrahms had run a TV mini-series explaining all the ginormous changes taking place in the universe. I need a meta to build on in my imagination so I have some idea of what’s going on; it’s the way I enjoy things. I also need a fanbase to fall back on, because when I really like something I immediately search for the fanfiction and the fanart.

Star Trek is a giant franchise. Sure, the reruns of the TV show and the movies were beginning to lose money, but that’s because they’re not syndicated anywhere. Or if they are, they’re not being played in the right way. (Pick a time and stick to it. Nobody needs an episode marathon every night; it burns out the interest quick. Just one episode a night, every night at the same time, maybe two episodes if the show is only a half-hour long. Make sure the episodes run in order, then build your programming around it. The show will begin to pick up interest, as most humans like patterns and stability.

Remember being a kid and racing home to watch your favorite show? It was on every single day at exactly the same time. And even when your life was crazy and stressful and your parents were fighting, your show would always be there for you. Life was falling down, but there was Sailor Moon, there were The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there were The Tiny Toon Adventures.

Well, dudes, life has gotten hard lately. The economy stinks, war is about to break out all over the place, there’s stress piling up everything; the world seems like it’s about to fall apart and there’s no hope in sight — and I blame all of that on American television programming.

1. We’re showing way too many infomercials, people. It’s beginning to warp the perspectives of the world. We need to start showing the good stuff again. I mean, when someone in the Middle East pays to get American TV, I don’t think they were paying to get our worst crap. It makes people a little testy and it makes us look bad. We need to be more like BBC-America. They seriously put some work behind their programming, and they’re really getting popular. Meanwhile, all the basic cable channels have turned into garbage and I have no idea why. They don’t even bother trying to syndicate shows anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because the copyright holders are charging too much money or if the network owners just don’t care or something.

People still watch TV! People want to watch TV. There’s something soothing about clicking the remote, tuning to a station, and just knowing I’m going to be entertained, no extra thought required. And I haven’t felt like that in a long time. The stability I love and need is gone. And it’s been replaced by some guy trying to sell me Magic Beauty Wonder Cream and softcore pornography commercials starring not very attractive people doing stuff I don’t like.

I want to tune to a station for 2-4 hours and know that there’s going to be something I want to watch. Since there’s never anything good on, I end up watching a lot of American Dad. It can be entertaining and I like the self-contained stories, but I want other stuff to watch too.

Don’t networks ever ask the opinions of their viewers? The big companies keep gobbling up different channels, then they sell out their customers by getting rid of everything that people liked. I get that they’re trying to force people to buy the pricier cable packages, but maybe they’d make more money if they showed a little consideration.

Not everyone has a ton of money to spend on entertainment. $20 a month is a lot of money to some people. They still should have something good to watch on TV.

Shows that rock:
Almost Human [partner cops, sci-fi, action],
American Dad [animated, humor],
Angel [paranormal, drama, action, angst, feelings],
Being Human [paranormal, drama, angst],
Better Off Ted [humor, office, Evil Corporation],
Bones [FBI, crime-solving partners, ],
Buffy the Vampire Slayer [action, drama, girl power, great ensemble],
Charmed [paranormal, action, girl power, sibling unity],
Dead Like Me [reapers, drama, angst, feelings],
Dollhouse [action, sci-fi, drama],
Earth: Final Conflict [sci-fi, aliens come to Earth],
Firefly [sci-fi, spaceship in the future, cargo hauling and thieving],
Futurama [animated, humor, sci-fi, ensemble],
Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda [sci-fi, spaceship in the far future, post-apocalyptic],
Hannibal [psychological, serial killer, angst, drama, lots of blood and awful],
Hercules: the Legendary Journeys [action, humor, gods and goddesses],
Highlander [action, a fight to the death every episode, Methos, dated material],
Lost Girl [paranormal, action, girl power, lots of sex and violence],
Metalocalypse [animated, brutal humor],
Pushing Daisies [crime solving partners, humor, romance, paranormal],
Rick and Morty [animated, sci-fi, sharp humor],
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles [action, sci-fi, drama],
The Tribe [post-apocalypse, Lord of the Flies-ish kids battling each other],
Xena: Warrior Princess [action, humor, romance, redemption, gods and goddesses],
The Venture Brothers [animated, superscience, sharp humor]

For a lighter crowd:
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy [animated, humor, reaper]
Hikaru no Go [anime, ghost friend, championship board game],
Invader Zim [animated, sci-fi, humor]
Ouran High School Host Club [anime, high school romance, crossdressing],
Princess Jellyfish [anime, adult humor],
Sailor Moon [anime, action, girl power],
Tiny Toon Adventures [humor, talking animals],
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles [action, talking animals hiding from the human world]

2. What is with all of the reality television? We get it, it’s cheap to make and the returns can be gigantic and blah blah. Those shows have actually been proven to make children stupider. Look it up; there’s scientific evidence. Where are all the concerned “Don’t vaccinate my kid!” parents at when their kids are watching that crap? Instead of sitting back letting that kind of lazy and exploitive programming run, why aren’t parents petitioning for actual shows?

When I was a kid some of the shows were pretty stupid, but at least they were actual family programming, as in, anyone could watch the show no matter there age. There was no surprise graphic sex. The language didn’t try to be edgy. And there were actual non-dysfunctional families getting along and enjoying spending time together.

But reality TV shows a life that most people can’t afford to live or wouldn’t want to live. The people seem so fake, the story lines are improv, and there’s no real point to anything. It’s a fishbowl glimpse into someone’s life, a chance to ogle and snark freely.

At least a story with a moral to it imparts some beneficial bit of knowledge. Reality television is people making money by pretending that their lives are more interesting than they really are.

“Watch me I’m rich and spoiled!”

“Watch me do my job, it’s exciting!”

“I used to be famous, pay attention to me!”

No thank you. I’ll be watching the rerun of a rerun, the same episode of The Cleveland Show that played four hours ago on the sister channel.)

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I wish I could turn on the TV and be entertained again. But there’s no longer a channel I can trust to give me what I want.