spoilers

June 20, 2024 1 comment

RE MOVIE: Feast (2006) (spoilers, horror)

Alright, first off: Spoiler alerts.

So if you want to watch the movie before reading my ramblings, go do that.

I’m going to describe the happenings of the movie, and I’m also going to fantasize with my brain about all the other choices they could make for a follow up.

And straight off? It was dumb.

It was a dumb horror movie. Not really one that I would eat during because they seemed to think that “gross=funny” when really it’s just gross. Like, you’ve got all this talent in one place and a few changes would make it a mainstream popular horror movie, but instead you’re going to have monster dicks for no real reason. You know, it’s for the low-quality exophiles; it’s the equivalent of the boob shot.

Not going to lie, there’s some District 9 fan stuff out there that’s beautiful. Lyrical writing, great storytelling, and enough quality and delineation that you don’t have to read the monsterfucking if you don’t want to. This movie is nowhere near that level.

And I’m not too proud to say that I thought there was going to be some kind of reveal about why the monsters keep fucking peoples’ faces. And when the beer guy was shown to have maggots already crawling out of his just ripped out eyeball hole? After he was vomited on by one of the creatures and his skin starts melting?

I thought it was going to be like giant flies or something.

But they never explain in the movie. The monsters pop in, and either murder or get murdered. And that’s it.

“Rawr!” Boom-boom-boom! “Oh shit, you blasted my toes off with your wild shotgun shooting!” “Rawr!” “Shoot it! Shoot it!” Ad nauseam.

And there’s follow up movies and it’s a trilogy???

But I’ve only seen this one, and I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to see the others as they seem like they might be worse. (It would be like trying to watch the Species movies for their edutainment value. (None at all.) And even there the first movie was the best of the series. Like, I watched the movies, but would never describe them as quality.)

Anyways, Feast is set in a crappy bar in the middle of the desert. And there’s two waitresses, one with a kid, an old lady barfly, an inspirational speaker salesman guy, Jason Mewes, an old bartender, “The Boss” who owns the place, the “Vet” in his uniform drinking and talking about going home to his wife and then leaving back for the front lines to get away from her, the beer delivery guy, a young guy in a wheelchair, “The Bozo” who seems to be a local troublemaker, and “Harley Mom” who is planning to rob the bar.

Starts with The Bozo in the bar pushing the guy in the wheelchair away from the jukebox and saying “Shut up, fag!” as he does it. And like, yeah, casual slurs of the 2006’s.

But later, when the relationship is revealed that they’re brothers???

And when The Bozo gets scared and he jumps in his brother’s lap and hugs him? Or when he pulls him out of the way and protects him? And then when the wheelchair gets ruined, he carries his brother to safety?

They have a true and loving relationship.

I enjoy their interactions. Like, The Bozo may genuinely be a piece of shit person, but maybe it’s just the persona he puts on when he goes to the bar to scam money at pool?

Like, he pretends not to know his brother, and insults him. And then later the brother purposefully bumps into Jason Mewes to distract him so The Bozo can rub grease on the cue ball.

They have a whole routine going. And it’s just to make money to live.

That’s kind of likable to me. I enjoy that their relationship was there.

The salesman guy was annoying with his jibber-jabber. He would present these ideas that would later be revealed as awful or counterproductive. (When they return the dead baby monster, and the big monster eats it, fucks its mate, and the mate births two more? They don’t say, but I feel like that was his fault.)

Jason Mewes is just there for the cameo. And it looks like he’s wearing a terrible black wig. Just awful.

The one waitress–Honey Pie–has big dreams of leaving town and being famous. Pre-monster appearance she is almost seduced by the salesman, but his wedding ring falls out of his wallet. And she’s a silly person, but she has no interest in being a homewrecker. Her later assholeness seems like a big surprise, but I’ve also gotta question why she should trust a bunch of scumbags after all the horrible shit she’s seen and being covered with a bunch of blood and seeing maggots crawl out of a guy’s face hole? Maybe she’s the most levelheaded of the whole bunch 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other waitress is Tuffy, the single mom. She’s working in an awful bar and seems worn out and miserable in her life. At the beginning she has the bartender pour her a shot that she was going to charge to someone else’s tab until The Boss walked by and she paid for it herself. She then goes to the living area upstairs, puts headphones over her young son’s ears, then goes into the room to be fucked by The Boss. Who she obviously does not like.

From the outset you realize that she’s been living a hard life. I don’t know if she lives up there above the bar and is working for and sleeping with The Boss for housing and security, but it doesn’t seem like she has a car?

Anyways, Tuffy is the main character. No lie. It follows the others, but basically she is “the hero” of the story.

And there is a literal “The Hero” character that pops in covered in blood and waving a rifle, but his introduction is more for comedic purposes than anything else. “I’m here to save you!” Whoops. His wife comes in, “Where’s my husband? Oh noes!” and she becomes “The Heroine,” there to save everyone and get back to her daughter.

But Tuffy is the main character and hero of the movie. The loss of her son early on is the motivating force behind her wanting to get The Heroine back to her daughter.

She tries to take a leadership role, but she’s not good at it.

“Savior character”-wise, The Bozo is the protagonist. He’s the able-bodied young man with enough strength and quickness to constantly be pushed into dangerous situations. There’s very much a “You’re a man!” sense to it all as other people volunteer him to risk his life.

And like, he’s got his brother to take of. His life and his bother’s life are his motivations throughout the movie.

And while everyone in town might think he’s a garbage person… in the end, he’s brave when he’s needed to be. And throughout the movie we’re shown that the “good” people are pretty shitty.

Like, I’m sure The Boss would describe himself as a “law abiding citizen,” but he’s really the worst person there.

He is sexually harassing his employee, a single mother that he knows to be desperate. He knowingly kills someone. And he probably cheats on his taxes too, likely by stealing his employees’ tips or something. Just an all around piece of shit.

The beer delivery guy is the “loser” character. By the end, I bet he was wishing he’d listened when The Boss told him to GTFO–“You’ve delivered the beer. Get out of here.”–but lingering around the bar seems to be what he does.

Like, he goes in the basement without permission. He messes around in the backroom. When they’re trying to come up with escape plans, he knows a lot of the hidey places around the bar. Just general information that a random delivery guy should not have about someone else’s business.

If he’d left after delivering the beer, he would have avoided all of that and been much better off for it.

Instead, beer delivery guy has a truly terrible experience.

Basically everyone has a bad time.

They’re locked in a crappy bar with people they can’t really depend on. Monsters keep attacking. And the monsters are able to eat, fuck, and give birth within minutes. Which means theoretically there’s potentially a never-ending tide of monsters to deal with.

And the movie is set in pre-iPhone 2006, so nobody has a cellphone (not even Jason Mewes? Didn’t anyone check his pockets???) and the monsters are intelligent enough to take out the landline and the CB radio The Bozo risks his life to reach.

And the movie ends without explaining where the monsters came from, how many there are, and whether they’re attacking everywhere or just in that small area. We don’t know. And I don’t want to watch the other movies so…

In my imaginings, maybe those things are all over the place. Breeding too fast to be killed.

And if they were like mutated giant flies that are able to use roadkill as body protection and bones as tools… that would be horrifying. Female flies lay between 75 to 150 eggs at a time and they can hatch out within 24 hours in warm weather. And they can lay multiple batches in their lifetime, resulting in up to 500 flies within a week from one female.

Which is why I thought the giant fly monster idea would be a good explanation. Like, they’re giant and they’re walking around with a bunch of larva on their bodies–which explains the roadkill they’re covered in (it’s giant fly baby carriages). And like, those weren’t really monster dicks but monster ovipositors.

So when beer delivery guy was vomited on, it was to start the digestion process. And he was thrown up on twice, once to start digestion, and the second time to cover him in larva that would then have a food source to grow out of.

And all those dead bodies that kept having their mouths humped? They were being loaded with eggs that would hatch out later.

So like, if anyone in that bar had truly been heroic, all of the creatures would have been wiped out and any found bodies would have been burned or crammed into barrels for later research. But with the way things happened, within days the entire continent would be overrun before anyone could figure out what’s going on.

Which sounds like a more horrifying ending then the lack of explanation we got.

Anyways. Dumb movie. But possible inspiration fuel for much better pieces of work. Your mileage may vary.

~Harper Kingsley

https://paypal.me/harperkingsley.

https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.

https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog.
https://kimichee.com.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/HarperKingsley.
https://www.youtube.com/c/HarperKingsley.

April 7, 2023 0 comments

Avenue 5 (spoilers)

I realize that quite a few people don’t like "Avenue 5," which likely contributed to its cancellation. And perhaps their animosity was well-earned, as the jokes sometimes fall flat and most of the characters are unlikeable assholes. It is, after all, the story of a bunch of ludicrously rich people aboard a ridiculously luxurious space cruise liner flailing their way toward their own doom.

For reals: Their space cruise liner gets knocked off course, lengthening their voyage from 8-weeks to 3 years, and in their determination to right their course and get home earlier… They end up lengthening their journey to 8+ YEARS after nearly flying themselves straight into the sun.

A ship filled with the kind of people that most would barely feel an iota of empathy for and having them entirely comprise the cast of characters… of course viewers weren’t enthralled with the concept. And it’s not as though there weren’t other people aboard the ship that people might have had more of a connection with. There’s a full staff of maids, cooks, janitors, and entertainment staff that we never see.

One of the first episodes features a woman complaining that the maid that cleans her room folded her towel into an anus rather than the pleasant shape she expected. The comedian hired to entertain the ship has difficulty dealing with telling jokes while staring out a window at DEAD BODIES regularly passing by his view.

Yet we barely see any of the staff aboard the ship. They have to be there, as food is still being cooked and served. Rooms are still being cleaned and shipboard life is still running smoothly enough that the rich people have to be told that they’re in a dangerous situation. But we never see them or where they live.

There was a time in my life where I considered applying to be a crewmember aboard a cruise ship. The idea of being able to use the facilities aboard ship during my off hours and when they weren’t in use appealed to me. Being able to leave the ship and enjoy all the vacation spots while the ship was docked and I was off duty seemed like a great opportunity for someone that otherwise can’t afford to travel. The only thing that stopped me was looking up life aboard ship for crewmembers and seeing that there were a lot of stories of sexual abuse and some ships taking away peoples’ passports and basically treating them as slaves once they’re in international waters and unable to leave the ship.

All the pros made the corporate admitted cons seem bearable. Sharing a tiny cabin with multiple people and only having a narrow sleep berth and a small locker for my own didn’t seem that bad if I would be spending the rest of my time working, entertaining myself, or off the ship when it was docked. Being able to see other countries and enjoy an echo of the luxuries that paying customers did was enough to make me seriously consider replying to the job listing.

So with my knowledge of crew life aboard modern cruise ships–steps removed as it is–I was disappointed that the episodes of "Avenue 5" didn’t feature any of the real crewmembers as main characters.

We see the engineers, we see the comedian, we see the Captain and bridge crew that are actually actors, and we see the "humorously depressed" head of customer relations Matt. But we don’t get any stories featuring actual crew members. The people that are actually keeping life aboard ship running smoothly.

We see the most luxurious cabins aboard the space cruise ship, and we see the large economy cabins aboard the cruise ships… but we never see where the actual crewmembers live and work. We never see the behind-the-scenes life and work of the people that are now being forced to serve the demanding and unpleasant rich people for an EXTRA 8 YEARS.

They signed on to work for 8-weeks–2 MONTHS–and now they’re trapped for 8 YEARS. And we never see them.

I don’t know if the creators and writers of "Avenue 5" simply thought that telling the stories of the crew would be too depressing or if they never thought they would have stories at all… But it really makes you think and wonder about the kinds of people making the show.

Are they so wealthy and out-of-touch that the idea of the crew were complete non-entities? Like, they so lacked the depth of imagination that they focused on the passengers and main crew because those were the kinds of people they could empathize with and they simply couldn’t picture the trials and tribulations the "poor" crew were facing?

Are the crewmembers living in the same conditions as modern cruise ship crew live? Are they spending the next 8-years living in barely habital conditions while being screamed at by asshole passengers? The fake bridge crew obviously have normal-sized cabins, but is that because they regularly interact with the passengers and there’s a chance a passenger might see their living conditions? Or does the entire crew have normal-sized cabins?

The fact that we never see the crew using the amenities aboard ship makes me wonder if they’re forced to live in squalor in the depths of the ship. Are they all crammed in there like sardines while the passengers fall into despair over being trapped in the "tiny accommodations" of their luxurious cabins while enjoying the rest of the massive ship?

Is the crew being paid hourly wages for the entire length of the voyage no matter how long it is? Or are they under contract to receive a lump sum? Are they receiving the same food as the passengers or are they under short rations due to the lengthened journey?

The passengers are seen as being important because they’re still going to be rich when the Avenue 5 finally returns to Earth. As such, Judd and his board of investors see them as being more important than the crew. It’s why Judd hosts a revolving number of passengers in his cabin to try and sooth their disatisfaction and anger over being stuck on the ship.

When the various mistakes they make in attempting to shorten the journey results in further catastrophes, all that matters on the show is how unhappy the privileged people are. Maybe if there were some stories of the crew and their plight, viewers would have had more empathy for everyone. As it was, the whole show is unsympathetic people doing unsympathetic things with the viewer not feeling a sense that anything would be lost if everyone aboard died horrifically.

"And nothing of value was lost" would be the likeliest response if the Avenue 5 flew directly into the sun and burnt up. Which is sad, because there had been such potential in the premise of "Avenue 5."

It’s too bad we won’t ever see if the Avenue 5 makes it back to Earth. Or if everyone will starve or run out of oxygen or be eaten by the cannibal they foolishly allowed on board.

It is a story without an end. We will never know what happens to the crew and passengers aboard the Avenue 5. Their journey home unending and unresolved.

~Harper Kingsley

https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.
https://paypal.me/harperkingsley.
https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.
https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog.
https://twitter.com/harperkingsley0.
https://kimichee.com.

July 6, 2022 0 comments

The Lodge movie (spoilers) CW: suicide scene

I watched "The Lodge" on Hulu and I have big feelings about it.

I’m not a hundred percent sure what those feelings are. But I have them.

If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s about a man having his son and daughter stay with his wife-to-be alone at his cabin over the winter holiday. He drives them there, then leaves to get back to work, promising to show up for Christmas day.

Only the children are resentful of the stepmom-to-be because they blame her for being the cause of their mother’s suicide. If the dad hadn’t told their mom he wanted a divorce, she wouldn’t have killed herself. And the stepmom-to-be, Grace, is "crazy," as she’s the only survivor of the suicide cult their father was investigating when he met her.

So it’s an all around uncomfortable situation for Grace. She’s in an unfamiliar place with two standoffish children she barely knows and who blame her for ruining their parents’ marriage and causing their mother’s suicide. And there’s no way to leave because the dad drove them there and left with the car.

And then the weirdness starts happening.

That’s the starting premise of the movie.

A woman trapped in the middle of nowhere with two kids and her little dog Grady.

It’s well filmed. Brilliantly acted. Moody and full of a growing dread.

If you want to watch the movie, it’s currently streaming on Hulu.

Amazon ADLINK: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0875KMRN8/?tag=harperkingsley-20

And if you’ve seen it… I have points of discussion like whoa.

Skip the rest of this if you don’t want to be spoiled!!!

Like, WTF????

My first reaction on twitter was "The Lodge movie: Well, you got what you wanted, you little bastards. smh."

I feel so bad for Grace. She was the biggest victim in the movie.

She survived a horrible uber-religious childhood that culminated in a mass suicide.
She pulled herself together out of nothing. From a likely segregated community to having her own place and living amongst regular society.
She bought herself a dog because she’d had nothing. She went from a hopeless state of mind to having enough hope to get herself a dog because she still had love inside of her that she was willing to share.
She was very vulnerable and the married person using her as research material for his book started a romantic relationship with her. Like… She was not ready for a serious relationship. He knew he was married when he seduced her. She was research material for his book. Even if the love on his part was real, it’s still a very questionable situation.
She feels guilty that Richard’s wife Laura committed suicide after being told he wanted a divorce so he could remarry.
The lodge was FULL of Catholic iconography that triggered her PTSD. Like, Richard takes her and the kids there, doesn’t clear away any of the religious stuff first, and then leaves her there in that creepy place with two hostile kids.
Those kids messed with her meds. Drugging her then putting her through withdrawal that resulted in her psychotic episode.
They gaslit her into thinking they’d killed them all with that gas heater. Then the kid fakes killing himself but not dying to "prove" that they were all trapped in purgatory.
THEY KILLED HER DOG! It might have been on accident, but it was an accident that was a result of their cruelty and maliciousness.

The open end of the movie leaves me wondering what happened afterward.

Did she kill them and herself? Did she kill them and later get found alive in the cabin? Did she kill herself in front of the kids? Like, were they able to talk her around into not shooting them, maybe by pretending to kill themselves a different way? Or maybe because the gun was on the table rather than in her hand they were able to get it away from her and they killed her, got their dad’s cellphone, and were rescued from the cabin?

Whatever happened, the aftermath of the murder-suicide at the lodge…

Wow.

Like, they researched stuff on their dad’s computer and likely used his software and printer to make that fake newspaper article. Even if they lied and said she just went crazy and killed their dad and tried to kill them… there’s evidence that they were terrible kids.

Or if she killed them and herself, would the news share the lurid details of her cult past and paint her as a deranged person while ignoring the fake article and other evidence that the kids were fucking with her? Like, they’d just say she was crazy and turn her into this unsympathetic monster that was given a second chance at life that she ruined with gun violence "for no reason"?

If she survived alone, how sad would that be? To spend the rest of her life in a prison cell or a mental hospital, always questioning her own mind?

Those kids–smh.

They got what they wanted:

They got her to believe their lies. And she never became their stepmother.

Talk about a monkeypaw wish.