PB&J

THE RED BEAD — So what the hell is this? Well, I watched “The Black Donnellys,” “Hatfields & McCoys” and “The Sopranos” and my little brain started percolating. Then I read the bios of a couple of guys named John Brisker and Jack Johnson, and of course I’m completely in love with “Daron’s Guitar Chronicles.”

All that being said, I was struck by a deluge of awesome and the character of Anselm “Devil Anse” Lotham came into being along with the rest of his crazy ass family.

The free webserial follows the life of Anse, either through his own short introspection pieces, or through his top enforcer Lee Shuman. Starts at the very beginning when they’re not famous, and follows through to all the stuff with Interpol and the bodies chopped up in the bay.

I started a page just for The Red Bead, and it’s here at http://altredes.wordpress.com so you can just follow the story with none of the other shenanigans that go on here 🙂

 

UPCOMING REVISIONS — Because sometimes they need to happen.

Heroes & Villains at Amazon

I really like going to the movies. There’s something kind of awesome about finding a seat in the darkness and watching a movie with a bunch of strangers WHILE munching on popcorn and slurping down the biggest Coke ever made.

The fun part about going to the movies is the decadence, I think. Because, come on, you might occasionally gorge yourself at home, but it’s only at the movie theater that you buy that gigantic popcorn and the largest drink. Your self-motivator? The thought that you might finish your popcorn or your drink and need to get up to get more, thereby missing a portion of the movie and not being able to rewind. Why is that great? Because when you’re at home there’s no way you’d eat that much popcorn or drink that much soda. So you’ve basically talked yourself into being a pig, and there’s some secret part of you that loves that.

Sure, it would be bad if you practiced those kinds of eating habits all the time, but to do it just every once and a while gives it that much more purpose and meaning. It also makes the memories of those trips more precious to both adults and children.

And that strange mix of nostalgia and euphoria makes whatever movie you’re watching ten times better. So even if you were watching what should have been just an “okay movie,” that euphoria makes it into something so fantabulous you have to gush about it later. It just blows up and you’re totally in that moment.

Sitting in a movie theater is one of those great experiences that simply should not be missed. Yet the prices are so prohibitive that more and more people aren’t going to the movies anymore. And so people get mad at movie theater owners for being greedy and charging so much money.

But it’s not the movie theaters’ fault.

The whole reason why movies are so expensive is because movie studios are charging so much. Because when’s the time a movie mostly seen? In its first week. And that’s when the studios expect to be paid the most money. Each time the movie is shown, they get up to 90% of the ticket price, if not more, leaving the theaters to try and get the most money out of concessions. Which is why so many theaters are disappearing.

People do not want to pay so much money for snack foods. “$5 for popcorn? I wouldn’t pay that much for a gallon of gas, yet I’m expected to pay it for frakking popcorn? Are you insane?” is the first response most people have. “$10 for a matinee ticket, $5 for popcorn, $5 for a drink? I’m not going to pay that much just for me to see a movie by myself! And if I brought someone else, that would be $40 if she didn’t want anything more. We could go out to dinner and watch a movie at home for less than that. And I’d be more likely to score… hm.” And thus, another theater goer is gone.

Which is why I think the future of theaters is going to see more success in showing Independent films. Because making a movie yourself is a lot easier to do now, and with theaters being unable to stay in business on studio movies, there will be more of them willing to show independent movies “just until I stay afloat.” Especially if they’re the ones being paid to show the movie – or at least, if that’s how they perceive the situation.

Theaters could be showing different homegrown movies every week and making money while doing it. So if you’re making tons of money showing some high school kids’ sci-fi movie, but you’re losing money on studio movies, then why not just go completely independent? Only show good movies chosen from those submitted by their makers, and basically be your own small distributor.

Besides, MOVIE MAKERS, going independent could actually see you making much more money. Amazon lets you make your own DVDs and sell them at their store through their subsidy, CreateSpace. Which is cool, because nowadays, everyone knows DVDs and digital content is where all the money is.

Hogfather at Amazon

Okay, so Brian is a complete and total idiot.

*Jillian was wonderful.*

Sure, she wasn’t the smartest of people, but she was warm and caring and really loved him. She seemed like she would be incredibly loyal too, so he would have never had to worry about her cheating on him. She also seemed to be in some way financially independent — she had money for nice clothes, her own apartment, etc. So she might have either had a stable job that paid her well, or some kind of family money. Any way you look at it, she was able to take care of herself and seemed really awesome.

Brian might not have been able to have intellectual conversations with her, but that’s what he has Stewie for. He could have had Jillian for all the comforting relaxing things he’s always trying to get from Lois (you know, like when he talked about her all sweetly when they went to get his award), then he’s got Stewie for the witty conversation.

Brian is kind of a douche bag. I love him because he’s a fluffy looking white dog, but if he were a real guy – I’m with Quagmire in thinking he’s a pretentious dick head.

He went out of his way to make his relationship with Jillian not work. Then he spends the rest of forever whining about how he’s so lonely.

I think the best thing for Jillian was breaking up with Brian. She was a very sweet girl and Brian was an asshole checking out other women and treating her like crap.

He ridiculed Jillian for her stupidity, then got so upset when his intelligence was questioned by [that girl from the “Hills”] (sic) that I was just like “Ha, in your face asshole!”

I just hate the thought that there are guys out there that treat real girls like that and think it’s okay. Some guy has a really great girl, then starts shopping around and breaks up with her, then whines about it when her life turns out way better later.

It’s like, dude: “Greener pastures don’t always mean happier days.” So quit your bitching and deal with the fact that you threw away the best thing you’ll ever have and it’s your own damn fault. I hate that kind of thing in bad romance movies, and I hate it even more in real life.

Sometimes you should just stick with what you have. Happiness is its own reward.

Witch King at Amazon

Okay, so sometimes my brother can be a dick. I laugh about it, but he’s always getting me with stupid stuff.

We were watching like Animal Planet or something and it was all stories about amazing animals and their feats. So during the commercial, The Girl blurts out “Penguins can fly!”

I scoffed like really loudly, “No they can’t. Whoever told you that is stupid because penguins can’t fly.” I probably sounded a little too irritated, but she’s always coming out with stupid shit to try and get as much attention as possible. She’s still trying to fit into our family because she only came to live with all of us during the summer, and now we’re staying at my Dad’s house. Three strong willed adults leaves a couple of kids that don’t really get away with a whole lot, especially the lies she likes to tell. (The most worrisome thing for me is that she actually seems to believe her lies, even the really crazy ones.)

Anyways, that whole penguins flying thing had me just snapping out as fast as possible to tell her that it wasn’t real. She kept insisting it was true, and we got into this whole deal, going rounds and rounds.

Then my brother goes, “Check this out” and turns his computer.

On the screen was like a National Geographic type show with penguins flying around. “The only penguins that are able to fly and who love to migrate to like the Bahamas.”

For a minute, my brain just stalled and I was like “It’s impossible, but it might be true.” And I was really kind of getting into the idea of it, when there was a snap and I was like “No way. I call Shenanigans! It’s like that spiders smoking weed video. FAKE!”

And my brother laughed and turned his computer to the spider video.

It was good to laugh like that, and thinking about it now, I’m still laughing.

That’s the kind of thing I get nostalgic for afterwards.

BTW, my brother just said that Hank Hill got raped by a dolphin. Seems legit.