Movies

March 11, 2012 0 comments

RE: Untraceable [movie]

The first time I saw a trailer for this back in 2008, I thought it was going to be another one of those stupid “Killer guy has a website and everyone that visits it *mysteriously* dies” type of movies, but I was pleasantly surprised.

I bought the DVD on sale and wasn’t really expecting too much when I watched it. Sure, there’s lots of stupid stuff going on and you can totally be like “Why the hell would she get back in the car?” But come on, it’s a movie, it’s for entertainment, and I honestly really enjoyed it.

You have a guy killing people on his website, building crafty machines that use the hit counter to decide how long someone is going to live. So of course everyone in America was going to check out the site, they got told not to!

It’s kind of a grim commentary about the kind of people we are. We might not go out and kill someone personally, but we have no problem taking a peek at a dead body. Wasn’t that the whole premise of that coming of age story “Stand By Me” where someone asks “Do you wanna see a dead body?” and everyone unanimously replied, “Hell yeah!”

If you suspend some of your belief in the FBI and the police being able to track some guy down, this is actually a pretty good popcorn movie. There’s just enough ick–guy gets killed by sunlamp, guy gets melted by sulfuric acid–that you root for the good guys, and there’s some fairly clever death machines displayed without going completely over the top ala the Saw franchise.

Plus you’ve got a strong female lead in Diane Lane, who I personally adore. I also really like her haircut in this movie and was admiring it throughout 🙂

I can maybe understand why this movie didn’t do so great in the box office, but I still really enjoyed it and I think more people would if they gave it half a chance.

Once again this is a movie that was the victim of bad marketing. Instead of being some teeny-bopper slasher flick with some crazy guy killing people through the computer, you have a disturbed man trying to get some kind of vindication for his father’s death and the way it was publicized on the internet.

I think part of the reason why some people didn’t like this movie was that it struck a nerve because it could really happen. We have become so detached from reality that we no longer associate the things we see online with real people. We’re just in it for the lulz.

My rating: 4 for entertainment value and Diane Lane kicking ass while tied up.

March 3, 2012 0 comments

MOVIE: Your Highness [comedy, fantasy]

Your Highness
Directed by: David Gordon Green
Starring: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman
Rating: R (for language, imagery, etc)

Storyline from Universal: Throughout history, tales of chivalry have burnished the legends of brave, handsome knights who rescue fair damsels, slay dragons and conquer evil. But behind many a hero is a good-for-nothing younger brother trying just to stay out of the way of those dragons, evil and trouble in general. As two princes on a daring mission to save their land, they must rescue the heir apparent’s fiancée before their kingdom is destroyed. Thadeous (McBride) has spent his life watching his perfect older brother Fabious (Franco) embark upon valiant journeys and win the hearts of his people. Tired of being passed over for adventure, adoration and the throne, he’s settled for a life of wizard’s weed, hard booze and easy maidens. But when Fabious’ bride-to-be, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), gets kidnapped by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux), the king gives his deadbeat son an ultimatum: Man up and help rescue her or get cut off…

It’s very sad that this movie did not do better in theaters or with audiences, but I think that might have been due to some misplaced marketing. Seeing the trailers on TV, I was kind of expecting it to be set in the Middle Ages and to be kind of an adventure thing with knights and going off to save the maiden fair. Though, considering the casting, I realized it would contain some rude humor. So basically Hot Tub Time Machine in a medieval setting.

Instead, I was pleasantly surprised by the great costuming (Zooey Deschanel as Belladonna had the greatest dresses) and setting and the actually pretty awesome special effects. There were some f-words and rude humor, sure, but if I ever found myself in some of those situations, that’s exactly how I would talk too.

If you like DragonLance type adventuring, you’d probably find this movie perking your interest. It was kind of a cross between Willow/Labyrinth/PineappleExpress and is actually a lot more than just some “stoner movie” as one reviewer called it.

The story is actually very original and the world it’s set on is not Earth in the past–or so I deduced from the two moons. The characters each had their own personalities and didn’t fit into the typical fantasy type-casting of “mage, barbarian, or bad guy.” This was simply a great popcorn movie with lots of one-liners and visual humor paired with some great questing that isn’t just the typical rip off of Lord of the Rings.

From the opening credits of this movie, I was laughing. I enjoyed it thoroughly from beginning to end and I’m looking forward to watching it again and again. I’m fully planning on buying a copy of my own.

What it reminds me of: Krull, Willow, Pineapple Express, Let’s Go to Prison.

Quotables:

[Fabious is bitten by a snake in the thigh ]
Courtney: SHIT!
Fabious: You have to suck out the venom!
Thadeous: I don’t want to suck it, you suck it!
Fabious: I can’t suck my own venom!
Thadeous: Yes you can! I’ll help you!
[pushes Fabious’s head down]
Thadeous: Suck it! Suck your venom!
Fabious: I can’t reach it with my mouth!
Thadeous: Courtney, suck the venom!
Courtney: But I’ve never…
Thadeous: [pushes Courtney’s head down] SUCK IT!

Isabel: I must surprise a band of thieves and burn them alive in a symphony of shrieks

[the brothers get high]
Fabious: [holding his head] Thadeous, are you seeing what I’m seeing?
Thadeous: [calmly] You making a fool of yourself. Handle your shit, Fabious, please.

Leezar: I’m here to steal a beautiful virgin that looks just. Like. Her.
Fabious: And how do you plan to do that?
Leezar: Magic.
[cracks neck]
Leezar: Motherfucker.

Thadeous: Not so fast, trickster.
Isabel: Hello, Thadeous.
Thadeous: The time for pleasantries is through; do you feel that tiny prick in your back?
Isabel: Is that your cock?
Thadeous: Ha! It is a knife but I’ll gladly penetrate you with it.

An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good at Amazon

February 7, 2012 0 comments

MOVIE: I Saw the Devil [Korean]

I Saw the Devil
Rated: R for graphic depictions of violence
Director: Jee-woon Kim
Writer: Hoon-hung Park (screenplay)
Starring: Byung-hun Lee, Min-sik choi, and Gook-hwan Jeon

Summary borrowed from IMDB: When his pregnant fiancee becomes the latest victim of a serial killer, a secret agent blurs the line between good and evil in his pursuit of revenge.

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February 7, 2012 0 comments

RE: Season of the Witch [movie]

Really not all that bad. For serious.

We were sitting around mid-week, completely bored out of our minds (or at least, some of us were. Others were watching kdramas on Hulu and dreaming about flying to Korea to corrupt some youth.) Anyways, my dad put on “Season of the Witch,” a movie that had been on our Instant Queue for a ridiculous amount of time.

The movie opens up with the killing of a bunch of women accused of witchcraft and just keeps right on rolling. There was like no let up at all, it was just this fast-paced ride through a countryside ravaged by the Black Plague. And Behmen (Nicolas Cage) and his guy, Felson (Ron Perlman), are hot out of the Crusades and are charged with helping transport an accused witch for persecution.

If all the swinging of swords and chopping off of limbs in the first fifteen minutes didn’t catch your attention, that’s about when things went full-on action movie. There’s hallucinations, murder, mutilation, a crazed bridge crossing, and at the end of it all… yeah, I’m not going to ruin it for you. (If you want to ruin it for yourself, use the Internet. That’s what it’s there for: ruining the endings of good movies.)

So if you want to watch a movie, eat some popcorn, and maybe have something to yell about with your friends, check out “Season of the Witch.” It’s on Netflix streaming right now, if that’s what you’ve got.

~Pax