Manic

There are times when I’m completely manic.

You don’t realize how powerful it makes you feel. It’s like the really good drugs … And just like them it’s super dangerous. Like careening off a cliff dangerous.

One minute it’s all laughter packed into your chest, everything looks vibrant and bright, and you’re completely in love with yourself. You look in the mirror and you’re just BEAUTIFUL and you feel STRONG. And you go out partying or whatever and it feels like you can do no wrong and nothing will ever be able to hurt you.

Then somehow, all unknowing, the world changes — or maybe it’s you. You’re the one that changed.

And for a little while everything is too bright and too frightening before shrinking down to an expanse of solid gray. It crushes in on you before you catch your equilibrium and for some length of what feels like forever, you’re completely broken off from all that’s good.

And it takes a while to recharge, to climb back up to the heights of magnificence. Sometimes the gray tries to cling to you, to take away your every joy. But you have to find something you love and cling to it.

You need a reason to stay strong for when you’re screaming from the rooftops or hiding in your cellar. A dog, a friend, a family, or a lover.

You need something. Or it drives you manic.