Harper Kingsley blogBah Humbug

February 24, 2016 0 comments

Batman V Superman — the most unfair fight possible

(There may be spoilers, I don’t know. I haven’t seen the movie, though I haven’t been able to avoid the super dark and depressing trailers.)

The Kid was talking about “Batman Vs. Superman” and said “I wish it was a fight to the death.” To which I responded with “Huh? In what universe would that ever be a fair fight?”

Seriously, unless Superman was cocky enough to say “I’m going to beat you to death with my bare hands,” which Batman could respond by bringing out the kryptonite when Superman got close, there really wouldn’t be much of a fight between them. Real talk, Superman could stay well out of range and use his laser vision to fry Batman alive–that fancy armor wouldn’t last very long with laser vision focused on it, bringing the internal temperature to even just a quarter the heat of the sun. Or Superman could just grab a rock and chuck it real hard.

Anyway, it’s kind of a relief to know that “Batman Vs. Superman” isn’t actually Batman versus Superman. Not that I’m very interested in the movie in question–it seems a bit too dark and downery for my tastes. I mean, they’ve taken all the lighthearted joy of Superman and thrown it out the window. That’s kind of a bummer–but I’m sure I’ll probably end up seeing it once it’s out on DVD or on TV.

Hopefully they don’t include as many wtf-scenes as they left in “Man of Steel” (seriously Jonathan Kent, you were terrible and your death was absolutely meaningless. All you taught your son was how to be a douche and destroy a company’s very expensive truck just because the truck’s driver was a jerk). Though really, I’m not that hopeful. I don’t even think there’s going to be much in the way of good fanfic to fix the situation, since there’s no Jor-El/Zod to save things. (Unless someone writes about the resurrected Zod remembering parts and pieces of his previous life, including the relationship he once had with Jor-El. That could be an interesting and angsty fic.)

So yeah, DC is setting up for their Justice League movie, which means throwing as many characters together as possible and hoping that some of them stick.

And instead of the most unequal fight in history, we get Superman teaming up with Batman and Wonder Woman to take on Lex Luthor and Zod (and possibly Doomsday). Oh, and we also get another Batman origin story, as though we haven’t seen Thomas and Martha Wayne gunned down enough times in our lives. Sigh.

I can’t wait for Suicide Squad.

(Though, I will be honest: If Batman Vs Superman ends up being the “Dawn of the Justice Lords” movie, I will totally be all about it, because I wouldn’t mind seeing a movie where Superman lobotomizes evil President Luthor and there’s an exploration of how dark that world got. Then there could be a crossover with the non-dark/depressing Justice League. Btw, Justice League the Animated Series did a great job with the Flash crossing over into the Justice Lords universe and pointing out that the death of alterna-Flash was no excuse for the Justice League to completely lose their shit. And it was kind of painful to see how affected Batman was by the death of the Flash–and it was cool that he was the only one to maintain his morals while the rest of the Justice League didn’t hesitate to use their powers on the normal humans. He’d tasted loss before, while those “gods” got a little hurt and decided to oppress everyone because why not?)

December 22, 2014 0 comments

“It never hurts to ask.” What a douchey commercial, Ford. Seriously.

In recent years, I’ve noticed a lack of true holiday spirit and love/caringness for other people. I’m not saying I’m in any way a perfect person or anything — knitting socks for orphans and giving out kitten mittens even to people that don’t want them — but I am enough of a person to recognize when there’s something very wrong with the world.

The eHarmony commercials with the little girl, and now little boy, are a bit creepy. Not just because the old man keeps popping up during other peoples’ dates and saying weird things, but because the know-it-all little girl sets my teeth on edge.

And now I think the Ford commercials are even worse. I mean, the kid doesn’t even bother to meet Santa face-to-face while he’s demanding a $70,000+ truck. No, he does it over the phone and never once says thank you or please. It’s just “Santa, I’ve been such a good kid, give me a truck that I can’t even drive for another 7 years.”

If I were doing a truck commercial featuring Santa and someone wanting a new truck, I would have shown a man or woman working hard and saving money to get a truck. Something happens — maybe a family member gets sick, something — and s/he’s forced to give up the Truck Fund to help someone else. Then another person — maybe Santa himself, otherwise someone with a lot of money doing a good deed and dressing like Santa when doing it — hears about what s/he did, and shows up with the truck s/he was researching and admiring online — which is good placement for the Ford website — and gives over the keys. Then a whole scene with the joyous new truck owner and family, maybe other people in the community that were so appreciative of her/his sacrifice to help someone else that they want to be involved.

And to make the commercial truly heartwarming, I would add a small child or two — highlighting the fact that a good new truck can fit a carseat — and maybe there’d be a scrappy dog.

I don’t know. I remember a time when commercials were moving little mini-stories around the holiday season displaying happy families and people caring about others. Now, though, it mostly seems to be bratty kids demanding lots of expensive presents that they don’t deserve. It makes me sad. And annoyed.

So here’s a wag of the finger to you, Ford Motors. Your commercial sucks. Expect a visit from the Internet Krampus.