Standardized Sizes Anyone?

Okay, so this might sound mildly ridiculous, but I have to lose weight so I can fit into a pair of pants I bought.

On any given day, I wear anything from a Size 5 to a Size 11 in pants. That’s mostly because the brands don’t seem to stick to any kind of industry standard for women’s clothing, so Internet shopper that I am, I just grab whatever looks good to me.

Each label has its own sizing system and they don’t seem to care that putting random numbers on a tag doesn’t magically turn a Size 8 into a Size 6. It just makes someone mad that they can’t get their pants past their thighs when they buy an unfamiliar brand.

For men’s pants, everything’s broken down into waist and length. For women’s … there’s numerical sizes that start at 0 and go up. And occasionally there’s a brand that decides to just label their pants Small, Medium, or Large; not bothering to give anyone a clue as to what sizes those ranges entail. (It’s frustrating for shirts as well. I’ve ordered a Medium and had it actually be a Small or Extra-Small. Just completely skintight.)

I am 5’2. On average, the shortest length women’s pants seem to come in is about a 32″ inseam before you’re shopping in the Junior section. That means when I buy regular jeans I have to cut a few inches off the bottom. And when I go shopping in the Petite or Miss section, well, short and wide seems to be the style they want me to embrace. It’s like they don’t put any work into offering anything other than straight legged or skinny jeans to short people.

I am not skinny. I am not overweight. I am painfully average. Short and average in weight with small feet that can fit anywhere from a size 4 1/2 to a size 6 shoe depending not on length, but on width (my feet are wide from running around barefoot as a kid.)

Basically, I can never find anything that fits me. The only way I can see myself ever having clothes that really work for me is if I go and have them tailored. Otherwise I’m stuck fruitlessly combing the racks of women’s clothes, where a Size 7 can actually be a Size 9 or 11, a Large should more realistically be labeled a Small, and when I hold a pair of pants in front of me they’re nearly taller than I am.

It just seems ridiculous that in this modern age there isn’t a brand out there embracing the idea of honest measurements for pants. If I could find a waist and length that fit me well, I would keep going back to that same brand if I had the assurange of always being able to find a pair that fits *me* and not someone that’s 5’8 and built in all straight up and down lines with no curves at all.

Until that day happens, buying pants is this horrible crapshoot I’m forced to play. Where I order a pair of pants online from a company I know and am familiar with, only to find out that at some point they were experimenting with their sizing system. And now I’ve just bought a pair of pants that don’t fit right.

Anyways, I’m losing a few pounds for these pants. I mean, I’ve been thinking about losing some weight anyway — and my dog loves the added exercise — but these pants have given me added incentive.

I’ve cut out soda and am drinking more water*. Berry Pomegranate Mio has become my new favorite thing. It tastes like Vitamin Water, so it gives me a bit of flavor. Plus it was about $3 and there was no way I could cut out soda cold turkey.

* I read this thing that mentioned people who drank two glasses of water before eating a balanced meal lost up to 5 lbs more over 12 weeks than people that just ate the balanced meal. Water really is a magical elixer.

FLORENTINE: “Too broke to buy another pair of pants — I just spent the money — but I can’t fit my ass into these ones.”
RICKETS: “Why don’t you sell them?”
FLORENTINE: “Because I’ll never get all my money back and these pants were an awesome deal. I don’t want to give them up. They’re usually $170, but I got them for $75.”
RICKETS: “Because they’re a Size Negative-4!”
FLORENTINE: “Maybe they’ll stretch to fit?”
RICKETS: “Or you’ll shrink.”