“Tucker & Dale vs Evil” is on Tubi and OMG… It’s hilariously horrifying.

A group of college kids go camping in the woods. On the way, they spot Tucker and Dale in the local shop. And of course, based on appearance, they think the two are a couple of spooky hillbillies.

Meanwhile, the two are actually on their way to the cabin Tucker has recently bought with plans to fix the place up. And being such good natured guys, they don’t freak out at the oddities they find in the cabin. They’re just really excited about their awesome new vacation home.

But things take a turn for the worse when they witness one of the college girls, Allison, taking a tumble off the rocks into the lake. They rescue her and take her back to their cabin.

And of course, her friends make the “logical” assumption that they’re murderous hillbillies. Especially when they find the message Dale carves into a log for them: “We got ur friend.”

What follows is a tragicomic romp through the slasher movie genre as the college students fumble their way to their own deaths.

Small Gods at Amazon

REFERENCE TWEET: https://twitter.com/HarperKingsley0/status/1578831231902703616

The only famous female historical figures mentioned in cartoons during the 80s/90s growing up was like Marie Curie. As a result, I have not remembered the names of any female inventors/creatives in the same way that like Ben Franklin has hung around.

Rather than changing the history of real historical people…

I wish creatives would focus on shining the light on lesser known historical figures and telling real stories.

I want to know real history. So it sucks that people watched "300" with tiny kids because "it’s historical"

I mean, good on you for being able to track down all that real historical stuff and be able to add your parts and create an amazing masterpiece of sight and sound. All claps to you.

But did you have to keep the name of the real historical figure you’re IRL effecting the memory of?

Sorry I’m off-topic… But I was disheartened by the "Bohemian Rhapsody"; shocked to find out the bad crew member on "Titanic" was actually a HERO; disgusted by what they’ve attempted to do to poor Marilyn; and skeptical that they let those guys from Compton rewrite history 🙄

I miss the days when someone would write their completely epic fanfic… Then file off the real names and turn their largely original interpretations into fully original characters set in beautiful historical settings in an OBVIOUSLY fantasy world.

Like, AU is fantasy.

Maybe I’m off-base, but yeah. I see AU as fantasy, while high-fantasy is swords and sorcery, and urban fantasy is magic and all that jazz in a modernish-world, likely in a city-setting.

⚡️

Sudden realization of self: I remember a time when genres were easier to find.

That’s like a modern variation of "When I was your age, I had to walk 10 miles to get to school everyday."

And I know people roll their eyes at the saying, but think about it: There was a time people were so spread out there was only one school and kids WALKED 10 miles to get there.

Like even now, all the historical shows and movies are from the perspective of rich people.

A vast FEAST of historical moments are being wiped from our collective consciousness because the only people able to read and write at the time were rich people. They were definitely the people with the most free time to enjoy reading for entertainment. (And they wouldn’t have to worry as much about the cost of lantern oil.)

The classics were written for rich people.

Like, if it was you back then, what would you write about:

  • The horribleness of your hard life of poverty with all of its many indignities and a definite "eat the rich"-vibe?
  • A story of love and romance in high society featuring beautiful people having beautiful people problems?

We all live on coin. And back in the day, there 100% WERE NOT any programs to feed the poor. Like, maybe you could get some food from some nuns or some rich people making penance or whatever, but otherwise they’d scoop up your body like the Little Matchstick Girl.

You’d maybe be a sad story in the newspaper, a little blurb some rich dude would puff his pipe past while looking for news he actually cared about.

Kind of like now, but with less of a social media presence left behind and probably no policing at all.

Like, it is ridiculous to find out how recent the "invention" of detective work is. Forensics. Basic evidence gathering.

Like, dudes today purposefully bungle their evidence gathering, but back in the day THEY SIMPLY DIDN’T KNOW.

They would WANT to solve a crime but fail. (Would be haunted by the memory of the terrible things they had seen and the murders they failed to solve. That was the pathos of the sad retired cop back in the day. Not having been in a violent gang and now angry at the way things have changed, but someone that tried so hard but simply didn’t know how to catch the person ruining so many lives (murder is bad, but there are other things that can ruin a family, including a serial philanderer leaving a string of pregnant people behind him) with such wild abandon.)

It was a time before instant communication.

You would pay some person to deliver a letter for you… and that person might just take your coin and run off. (DRABBLE: The letter had been so hard to write. Not just putting pen to page, but being able to find the money to buy the paper and envelope. Everything was so expensive. And then had come the days of work to save up enough to pay Old Man Hughes to deliver the letter. It had hurt so terribly bad when Mama had never responded. He longed to see her face once again, to hear her laugh. To know that she was still healthy and hale, and not more worn down than she had ever been.)

And if something happened to you your family would never know where you ended up, just that you were going to somewhere and never got there.

Like, with rich people, they had their manor houses and they’d keep their manor houses unless something "dramatic" happened. Otherwise, even if they weren’t currently staying at the manor, there would be a groundskeeper or someone to send word to family that you had made it there. And there would be much rejoicing and your harrying experience would become a tale of adventure to your laughing family and friends.

Meanwhile, poor people might be forced to move around. Hopefully to a better life, but maybe to the same kind of life somewhere else. Maybe their village would fail and the buildings would be left abandoned to the elements. Or maybe there would only be a single old neighbor left behind that only knows "the people that were there moved away about 5 years back. The new family moved in a week later."

There are real tragic stories of people that lost their family and never found them. How amazing to reunite them with their loved ones historically after death?

So why don’t we ever see the stories of a young person separated from their family, making it home… to an empty house?

There are so many historical people that lost their families yet had to continue living. And not all of them lost their family members to death.

How cool to compare the DNA of real historical figures to find out if they shared relatives?

Though I guess it would suck to think your whole life that you were directly related to a famous historical figure… then they run your DNA and find out that somewhere in your direct family line someone lied.

Your whole identity would be rattled. Your sense of self would change.

~Harper Kingsley
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog
https://twitter.com/harperkingsley0
https://paypal.me/harperkingsley
https://kimichee.com.
https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.
https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.

Heroes & Villains at Amazon

Those January 6th insurrectionists in prison are whining and crying about the inhumane conditions they’re being held in and demand that they be sent to GUANTANAMO BAY.

I think they should be sent there. Give them the full Gitmo experience so they’ll finally snap out of the fantasy world their snowflake butts have been living in.

Like, these dudes had everything. Wealth. Comfort. The color of skin that let their dumbest of opinions be listened to as though there was actual thought behind any of it.

And they threw it all away to give a "billionaire" complete power over their lives. A "billionaire" that has done his best to foment division within our country, likely for the benefit of the dictator of a foreign country.

I think about "Blades of Glory" a lot more than I thought I would think about "Blades of Glory" when I first saw it. It’s mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped like in a bottle.

And that’s exactly what these whole last 20-years have been. Mind-bottling. And we’re all huddled together on that little ship in the bottle as we’re being tossed about and slapped in the face by dangerous weather.

And it’s been rich people doing most of the shaking.

Anyways, it’s just super pathetic to me that these guys are spoon-fed lies by their chosen news stations and podcasters and have bought so completely into the negativity that THEY WANT TO GO TO GUANTANAMO BAY. Because they think the conditions there will be better than a regular American prison.

It’s like, "My dudes: Why do you think people keep screaming about prison reform? Prison sucks! It is inhumane and cruel and terrible! And Guantanamo Bay is So. Much. WORSE than everyday prison. And the reason why your podcaster pals try to paint it as being like a vacation scene for the public is because they want to keep torturing terrorists!"

For reals: Saying "We want to lock human beings in lightless cells, feeding them crap, and stomp on their testicles on the regular" will get you looked at as though you’re a maniac.

But painting Guantanamo Bay as some relaxing resort where those dastardly terrorists are being coddled by the "pussy" liberals makes it seem like no big deal, why bother closing it down?

So if those fragile dudes who can’t handle regular prison want to spend time in Guantanamo Bay… Why not let them?

They’ve been fucking around so much that they are shocked now that they’re beginning to find out. They are still in the disbelieving stage of things, to the point that they’re complaining about prison as though it’s a hotel with substandard service.

It’s time for them to realize that all of this is real. That yes, they did totally destroy their own lives and future happiness to satisfy a greedy old man that has been taking advantage of their misplaced loyalty.

And it makes me think of the story of the beloved celebrity whose son was put in prison for whatever crime. And the son calls his father complaining about his feet. About the filth of the showers and the spread of all kind of foot diseases through the prison and how the son really wanted some flip-flops for using in the shower.

And the celebrity wanted to buy his son flip-flops, but was told by the prison warden that no, he couldn’t buy his son flip-flops because it would be unfair, because none of the other prisoners were able to buy themselves flip-flops and they didn’t have beloved celebrity father’s to buy them special treatment items.

So the celebrity set up a program that gave free flip-flops to every prison in the state, including the one his son was in.

So his son got flip-flops, and so did everyone else.

Because there are some people that are so empathy-deprived that they don’t even realize other people exist until they are reminded of them. People so self-involved and wrapped up in their own privilege that they don’t realize other people could be suffering until they themselves have a taste of suffering.

So like, if those January 6th dudes want to taste deprivation and know the horrible conditions they have happily been condemning other people to experience… Let them.

And hopefully, when it’s all said and done, they will become actual members of society, rather than the parasite’s they have been.

~Harper Kingsley
https://www.harperkingsley.net/blog
https://twitter.com/harperkingsley0
https://paypal.me/harperkingsley
https://kimichee.com.
https://patreon.com/harperkingsley.
https://ko-fi.com/harperwck.
https://amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0.

I’m just really tired.

I think a lot of people are really tired.

And like the bullies they are, those fools are not letting up. They’re poking their fingers in our faces and sticking out their tongues and "Nya-nya, I’m going to keep pissing on you and calling it rain and there’s nothing you can do about it!" Then they wah-wah cry about it when they end up in prison, expecting us "soft liberals" to jump out and give them everything because they deserve it simply because they’ve never had to face real hardship in their lives.

They call themselves patriots while attempting to destroy our country for would-be fascist dictators.

They spout their self-written history without ever acknowledging what really happened. They mock people for being "woke" without even knowing what woke means.

Because they are soft boys that have always had their momma’s to clean up after them and their daddy’s to offer bribes to keep them from facing consequences.

And I’m tired of "boys will be boys"-excuses for assault, rape, thievery, and the attempted overthrow of the country we all live in.

The world is on fire. And I’m tired of letting these people get away with fanning the flames.

If they want to be locked up in hell? Then lock them up.

They’ll either learn to act like human beings, or they’ll eat each other like the rats they so resemble.

An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good at Amazon