Harper Kingsley blog

October 11, 2011 0 comments

depression is in the heart of me… sucking my soul out to the tune of misery

Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I were someone else. I wonder if I would be happier if I had been born in some other life.

It’s just that looking at the people around me, I constantly think that others are happier than I am. You can’t see the misery from the outside. And I get envious.

I think that if somehow my mind was switched into some other body, with a super awesome life all set up in place… I would be just as miserable. It’s just the way my brain is wired. I have a hard time finding the good in any situation, or my innate sensibility keeps me from indulging in all the crazy adventurous things that other people do all the time. So I don’t get the memorable thrills that other people can draw forward at a whim.

Transgender people face a powerful body dysphoria that goes so much deeper than malformed genes and personal image. I think that I suffer from a dysphoria of the psyche. Even if I had no memories of who I am and had to start over… some part of me would still look around and start screaming “This is wrong! All of this is wrong!”

Maybe it’s brain chemistry. Maybe it’s upbringing. Maybe everyone is just as miserable as I am all the time, but I’m like hyper-sensitive to it or something. Whatever it is… I sometimes feel that the world is a dark and terrible place. The walls are closing in and everyone is looking at me and judging me and I get scared to go to sleep, but when I sleep I never want to wake up.

Books and music alleviate the depression, but I don’t think anything is ever going to take it away. It is an indelible part of me no matter how different I wish things could.

And sometimes I look at the people around me and I see how happy some of them are, and I wonder if I’m alone.

I am a singular in a world full of plurals. If I just disappeared… would anyone even notice?

October 11, 2011 0 comments

butt hurt

Okay, so back in the day I would read things by authors where they would give advice to “Don’t get your feelings hurt by one bad review. If you’ve got twenty good reviews and one bad review… just shake it off and let it go. There’s always going to be that one person that hates your writing. You can’t let one review drag you down.”

I would read that advice and snort and shake my head. I would be like, “There’s no way I would ever be like that. I’m never going to let one review totally ruin my day. I’m not going to be that kind of writer.”

Evidently I was wrong. I am totally that kind of writer.

Wah! My feelings are all stingy with despair and the foul brine of irony. I just need to stop reading reviews and checking my sales on Amazon to see if anyone likes my stuff. So, so, SO lame.

October 10, 2011 0 comments

BOOK REVIEW: Heroes & Villains, by Harper Kingsley

Title: Heroes & Villains
Author: Harper Kingsley
Genre: science fiction, fantasy, superhero, mm romance
Summary: Vereint wants to be a superhero and use his amazing abilities for good. Instead, he’s relegated to a life of mediocrity spiced with outright mockery on the part of the heroes he’d so long admired. So he faces the truth of himself and the life he lives… and becomes the supervillain Darkstar.

My rating: I personally think it’s super awesome, but I don’t rate my own stuff (yet. I might get desperate, so I’m not going to let go of all available options.)

Review: Starts off with Vereint Georges trying his best to balance life as the wannabe superhero Starburst (a name that leads to much mockery) and an office worker. There are some clashes and he ends up alienating most of his co-workers, which makes his role as a superhero more important. Except Blue Ice, a hero he’s always admired, treats him like crap, which leaves him questioning the life he’s chosen.

With very little prompting, he leaves morals behind and turns to a life of crime as the supervillain Darkstar. With his awesome powers he could have been a figure of great terror, but instead he keeps to the smaller crimes of robbery and hostage taking. Still, his looks and powers lead him to having a reputation as the world’s premier supervillain.

And his arch-enemy? Well, it ends up being Blue Ice, who can’t help feeling a bit fascinated.

A slow building romance works in the background, eventually taking over the story and changing both of their lives forever. But in between… there’s super battles, the terrorist organization called the Darksters that see Darkstar as their role-model, and a man bent on avenging his sister by killing as many superheroes as he can manage.

There’s also like robot squid things and minions and inadvertent bank robberies and stuff. Oh yeah, and romance happens.

In all, this story is basically PG-13 and probably would have held to that rating if I didn’t have such a foul mouth. I don’t know how many times I used the f-word and various other vulgarities, but it was enough that the rating was unfortunately bumped to a soft-R.

October 10, 2011 0 comments

OTW Membership Drive

The Organization for Transformative Works is having their membership drive from now until October 16th. Either renew or make new your membership–minimum donation $10 and you get to post a pretty little badge on your website. How bad is that, amirite?

I’m a firm believer in the ideals of the OTW. A lot of big time writers and movie producers turn their noses up at the idea of their fans using their worlds, but it’s not like they’re making any money at it. Believe me.

If someone loves your world(s) and ideas so much that they want to continue the story where you left off, or even go back and rework a scene or two, what’s the big deal? Plus, I think anyone should be flattered that someone loves their writing/TV show/movie so much that they want to play around in the world you create. Why? Because not only is it incredibly ego-stroking, but it’s like free advertising.

Personally, I’ve been scouring the Internet for some fanfic of my work. It’s not like I’m giving up my copyright or anything and as long as the content is original and the fanficcer isn’t making a profit… what’s the dealio? Still, 🙁 Nobody loves me though. No fanfic for me.

Still, here’s their link