ARCHER => S1 E8. “The Rock.” Sterling and Lana are out on a mission and things go pear-shaped.

The tech team is busy with their own issues and not offering the support necessary. As a result, the agents are left to hang for a while, depending on intel that’s going sourer by the moment.

* * *

Ah, the joys of working for a Company with a small Operations budget, Opal sighed.

She was hanging from a paracord rope she’d woven herself. The carabiners and gloves were new, but the rest of her gear was stuff she’d cobbled together on the fly.

The woman she was facing was neatly pressed and poised. She looked like she’d just stepped out of a military supply catalogue, all black leather and web belts. She looked professional and ultra-competent at her job. She was intimidating.

“I think you’re going to hand me that sapphire,” the taller woman said. Her gun was unwavering in her left hand.

“You’d really shoot a stranger in the face over a rock?” Opal demanded, all hurt feelings and accusation.

You’d let a stranger shoot you in the face?” The woman cocked one eyebrow. “I think that says more about you than it does about me. Now do what I say and roll that sapphire my way.”

Staring down the barrel of the gun, Opal wore her most fearless expression. “My boss is going to hate me, thanks-a-freaking-lot, the least you can do is aim that at my forehead. I’d rather they need to use some skull putty rather than a whole reassembly kit. I was promised a Viking funeral when I die and I want to look beautiful for me mother. You know how it is. I’ve spent my whole life running away from dresses, so I owe it to Mummy to be the little girl she always wanted.”

As she spoke, Opal crouched with the giant sapphire in her left hand, poised to roll it skeeball-style. She drew her arm back, but at the last moment she spun her whole body around on the toe plate in her right boot.

It was a little harrowing to have shots pass so close to her head, but she didn’t let herself hesitate.

The rope was a hindrance as she dodged to the right, but she was going to need it to get back up to the roof. She shoved the sapphire into her hip pouch, trusting that the velcro would seal it up safe as she slammed her hands flat on the floor and began spinning her legs as fast as she could around the rope, winding it around her thighs.

She huffed out a breath as she shoved off the floor, reaching up to grab the rope and pull herself up higher and faster. It wasn’t graceful or lovely–nothing like the rope dancing at the class she’d taken–but it was enough to get her up to the hole she’d burned into the ceiling. Bullets pinged against the rafters and she yelped when a graze dug a furrow against her right side.

Opal clambered out of the hole faster than she’d gone down, log rolling across the asphalt of the rooftop toward the anchoring spike she’d used to attach her rope. She tried to stand up and almost fell over, the rope tightly tangled around her legs and hips.

“Shit.” She fumbled the knife out of her sleeve and began sawing through the paracord. She needed to get her ass out of here before Miss Brown-Eyes decided to shoot her in the face gangland style.

/END EXCERPT

 

Small Gods at Amazon

Bananas –

So Mother Jones wrote this => “The Only Way to Save Your Beloved Bananas Might Be Genetic Engineering” <= which, you know, TL;DR, I’m guessing we’re gonna have to start growing our own bananas if we want to have some in the future.

It’s late here as I’m writing this, though this post won’t go live until tomorrow morning because of some weird scheduling thing happening with Semagic. Anyways, I’m sleepy, I’m bored, I’m totally unfocused thought-wise and personality-wise. But I feel like the banana issue might be somehow important to me in the a.m., so here’s some links and shit to kickstart my future brain. You can use them if you want. (Yeah, I love you too.)

WikiHow: How to Grow Banana Plants — http://www.wikihow.com/Grow-Banana-Plants. “Having your own access to delicious, healthy bananas can be wonderful if you’re prepared for an extensive growing period. If you live in a warm climate or have a good indoor growing location, read on to learn about the yearlong journey of banana plant gardening.”

Weekend Gardener: How to Grow Bananas Indoors – http://www.weekendgardener.net/fruit/grow-bananas-indoors-011001.htm. “In addition to bringing a fresh look to your house, they do well with minimum maintenance, are self-fruitful, so they don’t need a pollinator, and all banana varieties do well indoors. Basically, there is no reason not to try a banana if you really want a fun project this winter.”

BTW, you can totally grow your own pineapple tree from the top of a delicious, delicious pineapple. Sure, it might not make fruit for years, but a pineapple plant is a pretty decoration for your living room. And, you know, after the apocalyse you’re going to be super popular if you’re the only a-hole that can produce pineapples for parties. I mean, who wouldn’t love a tasty pina colada[1] while the world burns?

And if you’ve got the bananas anyway, why not make yourself some banana bread? It’s one of the simplest baking things ever.


I make mine in a 9×12 pyrex pan lined with parchment paper (which lets me skip the “grease the pan” step). And sure, the bread comes out as a big, two-inch thick block, but that’s fine. I still bake it for 60 minutes, it’s still delicious, and it has that firm yet springy texture that I enjoy.

I use the edges of the parchment paper to slide it and the banana bread out of the pan and onto a rack to cool for around 2 hours. And then I cut it down the middle lengthwise, and then in half. This gives me four pieces that are 4.5 inches x 6 inches. The quarters can then be wrapped up in plastic wrap and tinfoil before being frozen, or I can just scarf them down as is, because it’s really hard to resist such deliciousness for very long.

I slice the banana bread quarters into the desired thickness. They look kind of like biscotti, but not all hard and crunchy.

BTW, for this batch I added some ground ginger and ground nutmeg, which gave it a bit of a kick. This recipe is pretty basic, which leaves it open for experimentation–walnuts, chocolate chips, raisins, craisins, ground cloves, whatever floats your boat. It will probably be delicious.

*Z
1. How to make rum: WikiHow

Takes about 4-10 days. Preparation time is 4-6 weeks. Yields approximately 2-3 liters of rum.

Ingredients:
5.5 lbs molasses
5.5 lbs sugar
5.2 gallons distilled water
1.5 ounces hydrated yeast
additional distilled water
Z*

A book I recommend is “How to Do Absolutely Everything: Homegrown Projects from Real Do-It-Yourself Experts” by Instructables.com. It’s a compilation of some of the better projects from the site. Includes instructions on growing your own pineapple.

Like seriously, dude, if you’ve got any kind of DIY project in mind, Instructables–along with WikiHow–is one of the first sites you should hit up for ideas. There’s so many incredible people out there. It’s not any kind of shame to follow in their footsteps.

Pick up some seeds from Amazon — Dwarf Cavendish Banana Tree Certified 5 Seeds. Current price: >$7

Faizel 02 at Amazon

Mung beans

I ordered a 5-pound bag of mung bean seeds. They’re supposed to show up tomorrow and I can’t help being excited. (UPDATED: They’re here! They’re here!)

I bought a new strainer to grow these babies in. (Maangchi grew soybeans in a strainer she kept on her kitchen counter. I saw her do it on her site, Maangchi.com. It only took a week or so before she was cooking them and eating them.) It’s bright red with black handles.

I’m already thrilling about all the beansprouts we can eat. (Sadly, there were no soybeans in my price range.)

mung/soybean sprouts
sesame oil
salt
green onion (optional)
white onion (optional)
carrot (optional)
spinach (optional)
mushroom (optional)
-You can choose whatever mix of vegetables you like. It’s the sauce that makes them taste so good. Once you get the right blend, you can have some awesome banchan going. Or you could throw all the vegetables with some bulgogi and cellophane noodles for some chapchae.
-You can blanch the mung beansprouts–dip them for a minute in boiling water–and stir fry them in sesame oil and seasonings. A good mix is sesame oil, garlic powder, julienned onion, and salt.

These sprouts are your base. You add them to other recipes or you can eat them just like this. It’s very tasty, very fresh; I eat them cold right from the fridge.

Add crushed red pepper flakes, green onion, soy sauce, spinach salad[1], sugar (optional), julienned pickled carrot (optional), julienned pickled garlic (Pickled in soy sauce with maybe some whole jalapenos or onions; optional), and raw julienned onion to a bowl; mix together without mashing. Enjoy with rice as a side dish, or turn it into a star by adding it to a soup[2].

*Z
1. Spinach salad — clean, rinse, and blanch your fresh spinach to desired level of doneness. (Get a nice green color without going to mush by immediately draining and rinsing the spinach with cold water to stop the cooking process.) Add a dressing of sesame oil, garlic, onion, green onion, and salt.

SUBSTITUTIONS: For another dressing idea, you can use sesame oil, garlic, onion, green onion, soy sauce, and sugar.

ADDITIONS: Add julienned carrot, white onion, daikon radish, zuchinni, cucumbers or beansprouts with the spinach. You might have to boil them longer for a more desired doneness, so throw them in the pot of boiling water and set your timer to 5 minutes. When it gets to how long your spinach needs to cook, add it to the water. Drain everything into the same strainer and rinse.

That’s like five vegetables right there. And vegetable-haters will be eating the heck out of them when you make chapchae, kimbap, veggie pancakes, scrambled eggs, soup… anything. Spinach salad is delicious with anything, even if you can’t afford the spinach.

2. Spicy clam soup is the best. Though I’m in love with any miso/bonito based soup. I’ll throw anything into the pot and it’ll come out delicious.

Soup base: water, bonito (fish bouillon), garlic, onion, sugar, and soy sauce heated to boiling.
-ADDITIONS: tofu cut into chunks; clams in the shell or rinsed from the can; potato; beef; chicken; pork; shrimp; zucchini; carrot; radish; brussels sprouts; asparagus; bok choy; beansprouts; jalapenos; celery; cabbage; kimchi; udon noodles, napa cabbage; torn noodles; octopus; crab; lobster; fish; wontons or mandu; meat raviolis.
-ADDITIONS: you can add gochujang (hot pepper paste) to your broth, though people usually either like a little bit or a lot; not in-between. Still, the right mix of vegetables, gochujang, and bonito will blow your mind.
Soup closer: stir in the miso in the last couple of minutes or just before you turn off the heat.
-OPTIONAL: With the soup in the serving dish, garnish with green onions, seaweed flakes, fish flakes, dry squid or fish pieces. Or eat as is.
OPTIONAL: When it’s still boiling, add an egg before turning off the heat. You want to let the white cook a bit before popping the yolk. It keeps them from merging, and also lets the yolk solidify a bit before it mixes with the broth.

Eat the soup by itself or as a side dish with rice,

Remember: when choosing your vegetables, things like celery and radish have strong flavors. Only add a little bit of them. And with things that can fall apart or break into small pieces like broccoli and cauliflower, maybe cook them separately and add to the soup just before it comes off the stove. Same thing when you choose your noodles–maybe pour the soup over them in the bowl or add them at the last minute.
Z*

I also think it will be cool to watch the mung beans grow. I’m not sure if the plants will thrive in my yard, but I want to at least try.

mung bean seeds
*

Brine shrimp

The Kid was talking about bringing home a hydra from his science class. So I ordered some brine shrimp with which to feed them.

He forgot the hydra. It’s winter break, so they’re all going to be dead by the time he gets back to school. The project didn’t require that all of them live (I think that’s a kinda cruel way to handle things, but that’s nature.) and the teacher isn’t going to keep feeding them. Which is a bit wasteful, since I’ve heard it’s hard to get hydra outside of classroom settings, but it’s her prerogative.

Now I have a vial of brine shrimp eggs and no carnivorous aquatic plant(?) to feed them to. I wonder how long they’ll stay viable. (UPDATED: It seems that they stay good for YEARS. That’s good information to know.)

brineshrimp1 brineshrimp2
I wasn’t very enthusiastic about him bringing the hydra home, but now that I think on it, I wish he hadn’t forgotten.

Research has suggested that hydra are difficult to purchase, though you can find them in nature. So if you grew your own in a tank and created whole ecosystems for them to breed in, you can sell healthy hydra to pet owners. Make a whole set/kit, like the old ant farms, and sell them at affordable prices. People would buy it.

I want to buy it. Or at least have a kit gifted to me. Raising hydra seems like a fun home-science experiment to do with the Kid.

From what I understand, hydra are more interesting than brine shrimp, but not as messy as fish and lizards. I’m thinking you can grow both hydra and brine shrimp in the same tank if you plant the hydra in one corner. I even heard something about daphnia too.

*

DIY Google Cardboard VR

The Kid chose this as his Christmas gift. I’m not quite sure what you do with these, but he’s very enthusiastic about them.

He’d a bit worried that his phone won’t be compatible with the goggles, so I’m hoping that they work.

The product description: “The DIY Google Cardboard VR mobile phone 3D glasses headset, instantaneously transforms your Smartphone into a VR headset.” -AMAZON

They cost $12.99, and I’m not sure if that’s a deal or not. We might just Mod Podge these up so he can use them longer.

Uramichi Oniisan 01 at Amazon

Window shopping around on Amazon again. There were some really great Black Friday sales that I regretted not being able to take advantage of, though we did pick up a couple of the Fire 7’s to give as gifts, so that was pretty cool.

The bad thing about shopping for clothes online is the question “Size as expected?” Which sometimes makes me want to scream.

When all I want to do is buy a pair of pants, surprise, surprise, I kind of want to be able to fit those pants over my ass. That, or I don’t want them constantly falling down like I’m wearing clothes stolen off a giant. Either way, the trick merchants play on consumers with their ever sliding scale of sizes is ridiculous.

I want clothes that fit. Barring that, I prefer clothes that are a little over large rather than skin tight. I prefer fabrics that breathe, and I prefer that they don’t choke me out when they do it.

It sucks to find a shirt that I really like, then when I look at the chest measurements on the sizing chart I have to jump up to a Large or an X-Large, only to have a shirt arrive that fits across the chest and flaps around everywhere else. Or to buy a shirt in a Large or X-Large that I really like the looks of, only to try and put it on and find out that it squishes me across the chest and sticks to my skin like spandex. Or to order in Medium or Small and receive something that contains enough material to be used as a tent. Seriously, wtf?

So while I find plenty of joy in window shopping for clothes, most times I don’t buy anything at all. And that’s sad. Because if it were up to me, I’d never have to step into a store’s changing room ever again. I’d just get a bodyscan done and pick through a bunch of pre-sorted clothing all in my size and general style.

Where is the future of fashion? We’re waiting for you.