It’s a kind of weird thing to admit, but I think the fact that I spend so much time wallowing in depression actually adds depth to my writing. It flavors the things that I do with a touch of melancholy and I think that makes my characters more realistic.
I simply can’t resist adding a bit of angst to my characters’ lives, even if it’s only mentioned as part of a back-story. I don’t think I have a single character that is simply just happy. They’ve all got something to cry about, and even the ones that play it tough are so tough because they experienced some kind of personal loss that they’ve managed to get past.
I think that’s part of the reason people reading stories instinctively seek ones where someone is sad and miserable. We like to see someone overcome whatever test has been thrown in their path and become a greater person because of it. And when you suffer from depression, you are drawn to stories where someone has felt grief/misery and moved beyond it because you’re seeking hope that you too can surpass your feelings.
And when someone writes a fanfic story with some over-the-top angst instilled into it… well, the greater the suffering the character overcomes, the greater the strength they have to exhibit. And if Harry Potter can get past some of the truly horrific abuse some fanficcers put him through… then I can manage to drag myself out of bed and go buy groceries.
So in that way, depression helps with my writing, because I can pour a cupful of misery here, a cupful of misery there, and while my characters become more solid as people, I lessen my burden. And maybe someday I can pour all of the sadness out and I’ll be able to step out into the sunshine and it won’t burn me.
