Reviews

Alright, first off: Spoiler alerts.

So if you want to watch the movie before reading my ramblings, go do that.

I’m going to describe the happenings of the movie, and I’m also going to fantasize with my brain about all the other choices they could make for a follow up.

And straight off? It was dumb.

It was a dumb horror movie. Not really one that I would eat during because they seemed to think that “gross=funny” when really it’s just gross. Like, you’ve got all this talent in one place and a few changes would make it a mainstream popular horror movie, but instead you’re going to have monster dicks for no real reason. You know, it’s for the low-quality exophiles; it’s the equivalent of the boob shot.

Not going to lie, there’s some District 9 fan stuff out there that’s beautiful. Lyrical writing, great storytelling, and enough quality and delineation that you don’t have to read the monsterfucking if you don’t want to. This movie is nowhere near that level.

And I’m not too proud to say that I thought there was going to be some kind of reveal about why the monsters keep fucking peoples’ faces. And when the beer guy was shown to have maggots already crawling out of his just ripped out eyeball hole? After he was vomited on by one of the creatures and his skin starts melting?

I thought it was going to be like giant flies or something.

But they never explain in the movie. The monsters pop in, and either murder or get murdered. And that’s it.

“Rawr!” Boom-boom-boom! “Oh shit, you blasted my toes off with your wild shotgun shooting!” “Rawr!” “Shoot it! Shoot it!” Ad nauseam.

And there’s follow up movies and it’s a trilogy???

But I’ve only seen this one, and I don’t think I’ll go out of my way to see the others as they seem like they might be worse. (It would be like trying to watch the Species movies for their edutainment value. (None at all.) And even there the first movie was the best of the series. Like, I watched the movies, but would never describe them as quality.)

Anyways, Feast is set in a crappy bar in the middle of the desert. And there’s two waitresses, one with a kid, an old lady barfly, an inspirational speaker salesman guy, Jason Mewes, an old bartender, “The Boss” who owns the place, the “Vet” in his uniform drinking and talking about going home to his wife and then leaving back for the front lines to get away from her, the beer delivery guy, a young guy in a wheelchair, “The Bozo” who seems to be a local troublemaker, and “Harley Mom” who is planning to rob the bar.

Starts with The Bozo in the bar pushing the guy in the wheelchair away from the jukebox and saying “Shut up, fag!” as he does it. And like, yeah, casual slurs of the 2006’s.

But later, when the relationship is revealed that they’re brothers???

And when The Bozo gets scared and he jumps in his brother’s lap and hugs him? Or when he pulls him out of the way and protects him? And then when the wheelchair gets ruined, he carries his brother to safety?

They have a true and loving relationship.

I enjoy their interactions. Like, The Bozo may genuinely be a piece of shit person, but maybe it’s just the persona he puts on when he goes to the bar to scam money at pool?

Like, he pretends not to know his brother, and insults him. And then later the brother purposefully bumps into Jason Mewes to distract him so The Bozo can rub grease on the cue ball.

They have a whole routine going. And it’s just to make money to live.

That’s kind of likable to me. I enjoy that their relationship was there.

The salesman guy was annoying with his jibber-jabber. He would present these ideas that would later be revealed as awful or counterproductive. (When they return the dead baby monster, and the big monster eats it, fucks its mate, and the mate births two more? They don’t say, but I feel like that was his fault.)

Jason Mewes is just there for the cameo. And it looks like he’s wearing a terrible black wig. Just awful.

The one waitress–Honey Pie–has big dreams of leaving town and being famous. Pre-monster appearance she is almost seduced by the salesman, but his wedding ring falls out of his wallet. And she’s a silly person, but she has no interest in being a homewrecker. Her later assholeness seems like a big surprise, but I’ve also gotta question why she should trust a bunch of scumbags after all the horrible shit she’s seen and being covered with a bunch of blood and seeing maggots crawl out of a guy’s face hole? Maybe she’s the most levelheaded of the whole bunch 🤷🏻‍♀️

The other waitress is Tuffy, the single mom. She’s working in an awful bar and seems worn out and miserable in her life. At the beginning she has the bartender pour her a shot that she was going to charge to someone else’s tab until The Boss walked by and she paid for it herself. She then goes to the living area upstairs, puts headphones over her young son’s ears, then goes into the room to be fucked by The Boss. Who she obviously does not like.

From the outset you realize that she’s been living a hard life. I don’t know if she lives up there above the bar and is working for and sleeping with The Boss for housing and security, but it doesn’t seem like she has a car?

Anyways, Tuffy is the main character. No lie. It follows the others, but basically she is “the hero” of the story.

And there is a literal “The Hero” character that pops in covered in blood and waving a rifle, but his introduction is more for comedic purposes than anything else. “I’m here to save you!” Whoops. His wife comes in, “Where’s my husband? Oh noes!” and she becomes “The Heroine,” there to save everyone and get back to her daughter.

But Tuffy is the main character and hero of the movie. The loss of her son early on is the motivating force behind her wanting to get The Heroine back to her daughter.

She tries to take a leadership role, but she’s not good at it.

“Savior character”-wise, The Bozo is the protagonist. He’s the able-bodied young man with enough strength and quickness to constantly be pushed into dangerous situations. There’s very much a “You’re a man!” sense to it all as other people volunteer him to risk his life.

And like, he’s got his brother to take of. His life and his bother’s life are his motivations throughout the movie.

And while everyone in town might think he’s a garbage person… in the end, he’s brave when he’s needed to be. And throughout the movie we’re shown that the “good” people are pretty shitty.

Like, I’m sure The Boss would describe himself as a “law abiding citizen,” but he’s really the worst person there.

He is sexually harassing his employee, a single mother that he knows to be desperate. He knowingly kills someone. And he probably cheats on his taxes too, likely by stealing his employees’ tips or something. Just an all around piece of shit.

The beer delivery guy is the “loser” character. By the end, I bet he was wishing he’d listened when The Boss told him to GTFO–“You’ve delivered the beer. Get out of here.”–but lingering around the bar seems to be what he does.

Like, he goes in the basement without permission. He messes around in the backroom. When they’re trying to come up with escape plans, he knows a lot of the hidey places around the bar. Just general information that a random delivery guy should not have about someone else’s business.

If he’d left after delivering the beer, he would have avoided all of that and been much better off for it.

Instead, beer delivery guy has a truly terrible experience.

Basically everyone has a bad time.

They’re locked in a crappy bar with people they can’t really depend on. Monsters keep attacking. And the monsters are able to eat, fuck, and give birth within minutes. Which means theoretically there’s potentially a never-ending tide of monsters to deal with.

And the movie is set in pre-iPhone 2006, so nobody has a cellphone (not even Jason Mewes? Didn’t anyone check his pockets???) and the monsters are intelligent enough to take out the landline and the CB radio The Bozo risks his life to reach.

And the movie ends without explaining where the monsters came from, how many there are, and whether they’re attacking everywhere or just in that small area. We don’t know. And I don’t want to watch the other movies so…

In my imaginings, maybe those things are all over the place. Breeding too fast to be killed.

And if they were like mutated giant flies that are able to use roadkill as body protection and bones as tools… that would be horrifying. Female flies lay between 75 to 150 eggs at a time and they can hatch out within 24 hours in warm weather. And they can lay multiple batches in their lifetime, resulting in up to 500 flies within a week from one female.

Which is why I thought the giant fly monster idea would be a good explanation. Like, they’re giant and they’re walking around with a bunch of larva on their bodies–which explains the roadkill they’re covered in (it’s giant fly baby carriages). And like, those weren’t really monster dicks but monster ovipositors.

So when beer delivery guy was vomited on, it was to start the digestion process. And he was thrown up on twice, once to start digestion, and the second time to cover him in larva that would then have a food source to grow out of.

And all those dead bodies that kept having their mouths humped? They were being loaded with eggs that would hatch out later.

So like, if anyone in that bar had truly been heroic, all of the creatures would have been wiped out and any found bodies would have been burned or crammed into barrels for later research. But with the way things happened, within days the entire continent would be overrun before anyone could figure out what’s going on.

Which sounds like a more horrifying ending then the lack of explanation we got.

Anyways. Dumb movie. But possible inspiration fuel for much better pieces of work. Your mileage may vary.

~Harper Kingsley

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Heroes & Villains at Amazon

"What’s the hammer for?"

"Hammering."

Hilarious in the context of the first episode of "Killing It" on Peacock. Which is the only episode I’ve been able to watch, as I don’t have a Premium (paid!) subscription to Peacock.

I’ve been watching a lot of the free first episodes of shows, and there’s definitely a handful I’ve added to my to-be-watched list. As well as a few I’m fairly sure are a do-not-want.

"Killing It," starring Craig Robinson, Claudia O’Doherty, and Rell Battle, is about a man named Craig who is desperate to come up with the money needed to get his business idea off the ground. As a result of some bad luck-induced desperation, he joins a Florida competition that gives a $20,000 grand prize for whoever brings in the most pythons (I’m pretty sure those were pythons). It was definitely a good first episode, and I really got left wanting more.

Signing up for Peacock is free but requires an email address and a password. There’s some free movies and the first episodes of lots of shows. But most of the content seems to be Premium membership only. (Plus there doesn’t seem to be a way to filter content so only the free stuff is listed, boo.)

Meanwhile… Tubi, Freevee, Crackle, and PlutoTV allow you to watch movies and TV shows without signing in. YouTube doesn’t require a sign in either. Though remember: If you aren’t signed into an app, you can’t create and use watchlists, and if you leave the app and come back, your movie will restart from the beginning.

I’ve been trying out the free services to see if there’s anything I like. And while there’s plenty of filler content, there’s a few gems worth watching.

I’ve found that I prefer to watch on Tubi, as the UI is easier on the eyes and the way content is arrayed is more pleasing. Freevee has a lot of stuff as well, though you’re probably going to want to go to the "Discover" view, as the "Watch" section looks like the cable guide and it’s harder to find anything you’re looking for.

PlutoTV also has a cable guide look to it, and since it’s "live" TV there’s movies and shows that start at specific times if you want to tune in. At the same time, there’s an "On Demand" option that lets you watch their shows and movies when you want.

Crackle is an all right streamer. They have a lot of older, harder to find TV shows. I’ve watched a few movies on there and I didn’t hate the experience. I have no complaints with their service and the free factor is a plus. Though it does kind of feel like being in an old movie rental place, where you would walk in and see a row of movie cover art and you’d have to pick up the box to read the back to see what you’d want to watch.

My Amazon shop https://www.amazon.com/shop/harperkingsley0

And of course, nothing is truly free, so you’ve gotta know that the free streamers come with commercial breaks. But the nice thing is, the commercials are largely non-offensive. Like, there’s some commercials on DirecTV that make me want to cringe. Just so much do-not-want. It seems that the free content streamers are more considerate of their viewers than cable TV.

And I do like the commercial breaks that come with a little timer in the corner so you know how long you have to run to the bathroom and back without pausing.


There’s a lot of free content available, so of course the following lists aren’t complete. Like, there’s a lot of old TV shows available like Bob Ross painting, Columbo, and Bewitched that someone might be flipping through and decide to watch.

I just glanced through the various catalogues to make a short list for each app to get you started. And to give an idea of what’s available.


What’s on Tubi:
– 3rd Rock From the Sun
– The 6th Day
– The 13th Warrior
– The Angry Birds Movie
– Battle Royale
– Beetlejuice
– Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey
– Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
– Blackfish
– Con Air
– Coraline
– Cube
– Cube 2: Hypercube
– Cube Zero
– Delirious
– Dick
– Doctor Sleep
– Earth Girls Are Easy
– Elvira Mistress of the Dark
– The Fifth Element
– Frozen (the "stuck on a ski-lift" movie)
– George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing
– Gifted
– Hard Candy
– The Host (Korean)
– Hotel Transylvania 2
– Jumanji
– I Saw the Devil
– Little Nicky
– Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
– Meet Joe Black
– My Girl
– The Nanny
– The Oblongs
– Overboard (1987)
– Pandorum
– Penelope
– The Ramen Girl
– The Secret of Nimh
– She-Devil
– So I Married An Axe Murder
– Starship Troopers
– Terminator Salvation
– Train to Busan
– Who Framed Roger Rabbit


What’s on Freevee:
– Battle Royale

  • Belle et Sébastien
  • Cats
  • Dead Like Me
  • Deadpool
  • Deadpool 2
  • Dredd
  • The Founder
  • Frozen (ski-lift movie)
  • The Hunt
  • The Last Unicorn
  • Logan
  • Miss Potter
  • Penelope
  • Prometheus
  • Shrek
  • The Ramen Girl
  • The Tribe

What’s on Crackle:
– The Borrowers (British TV)
– Das Boot
– Edge of Tomorrow
– The Flying Nun
– Freaks
– Gidget
– The Little Princess (Shirley Temple)
– The Man From Nowhere
– The Musketeers (British TV)
– Sherlock (British TV)


What’s on PlutoTV:
– A River Runs Through It
– Bebe’s Kids
– Benjamin Button
– Chappie
– Cloud Atlas
– Fargo
– Ghosts (TV series)
– Jawbreaker
– Jupiter Ascending
– The Host (Korean)
– Life (sci-fi alien)
– Little Man Tate
– Panic Room
– Overboard (1987)
– She-Devil
– Snow Piercer
– Their Finest


My faves: Tubi, Freevee, and PlutoTV.

Movies I recently watched and liked: Their Finest. The Ramen Girl. Gifted. Belle et Sébastien.


We have an Amazon Prime account, so the streaming device I have experience with is the Amazon Fire TV Stick => Amazon ADLINK: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08XVYZ1Y5/?tag=harperkingsley-20 <= and the Kindle Fire.

As such, the front end is pretty much an advertisement for Amazon content. But if you go into the Prime app on the Fire TV, there’s a section called "Free to me" that has all the free to watch stuff from your Prime account and your subscribed Prime channels (trials, on my part. I use the heck out of the 7-day trials when available). And of course, I’ve got the pin-protection on so nobody "accidentally" makes a purchase on the account.

This is the Alexa routine I made =>https://alexa.amazon.com/routines/shared/3haSlRa-QISGP_VQXXb9Fw <= though I didn’t know it would share as a QR code. The activation phrase is "Alexa, how does she walk?"

I’m thinking about making more Alexa routines, because it was kind of fun.

When you ask Alexa about the weather while you’re watching a movie, the bottom of the screen comes up while she’s talking… and the movie will continue to play with no sound in the background!

I asked her what’s the weather like on the moon, and she gave great information about the moon being cold in the dark and hot in the sunlight. But when I asked what the weather is like on Jupiter… She kept telling the weather for Jupiter, Florida!

Heroes & Villains at Amazon

There’s something about the science fiction movie “Sunshine” that makes me watch it every time it comes on TV.

I own a copy of the DVD.

It’s just such a great science fiction movie that I can’t resist the allure of watching it when it appears.

You have to see it from the beginning, so you can understand the story and be sucked into the madness.

An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good at Amazon

Supergirl and Batgirl were the only comics I read for the longest time. They were the titles I followed faithfully and spent my precious money on. Then, right when both were getting good — Linda Danvers and Cassandra Cane being kickass women superheroes — DC decided there needed to be reboots of both Superman and Batman. Which meant, of course, all the other titles had to be redone as well.

All that loyal comic book purchasing history was flushed down the toilet. And it was expected that I would just roll right into the new storylines. My thought, then and now, has always been “Fuck that.”

Yet my love for Supergirl has lingered over all these years. I was actually looking forward to the new television show. And since it’s on CBS, I was expecting something of substance, a nice meaty story to sink into. Instead, it was like something from ABC Family; weak and watered down flash with very little substance.

It was only the pilot episode, so maybe things will get better, but I don’t hold out much hope. This series smells of weak sauce.

And adding to the disappointment, I now have to go through and change my Man of Steel fanfic, because there’s no way I can use Cat Grant as a love interest for Clark Kent. Sorry to all her fans, but now that I’ve had Callista Flockhart’s face burned into my brain, the magic is gone. She has absolutely no appeal for me. If I was a dude, I’d be completely flaccid.

* * *

WHY I LOVE KARA IN-ZE SUPERGIRL –

Kara In-Ze arrived on Earth as a teenager. The loss of her family is fresh in her mind and now even her body is different, yet Kal-El expects that she will pretend to be a normal girl and fit in as the cousin of Clark Kent. Not only does she have to adapt to a completely alien world, she’s expected to hide her grief and control abilities that she never had before.

Kara’s story is one of loss and perserverence. While Clark was adopted as a toddler and grew up on Earth, never having known anything different, Kara has lost everything that she has ever known. It was a powerful storyline to me.

And the new Supergirl series throws that all away.

They take Kara In-Ze, squish her together with a version of Linda Danvers, and I’m supposed to swallow down the idea of Kara Danvers being a Supergirl that I can love?

I feel cheated.

*

SUPERGIRLS I LOVED –

1. Kara In-Ze arriving to Earth from Argo, wide-eyed and innocent. Silver Aged Supergirl intent on enjoying the world and having fun with her cousin Superman. She is joyous and loving of the humans around her.

2. Supergirl, the clone sister of Lana Lang, created by an alternate universe version of Lex Luthor, a caring scientist intent on saving the human race. Rescued from a dying Earth by Superman and brought back with him, she doesn’t realize that the Lex Luthor she meets is not the man she loved. She lets him take her DNA, and he uses it to create superpowered clones and further his evil plots. Once she realizes his evil, the things she has allowed him to do, she vows to spend her life righting the wrongs he’s done in her name. She uses her identity as Supergirl to make amends.

3. Linda Danvers, a troubled girl committing an act of vandalism, nearly dies and is rescued by Supergirl, who dies in her place. Linda inherits Supergirl’s power matrix and becomes the new Supergirl. She tries her best to help the downtrodden people around her and becomes a high school teacher with an interest in helping troubled teens, like she used to be.

4. Linda Danvers Supergirl travels through time and space. She lives multiple timelines and lives. She marries a version of Kal-El on Krypton and they have a daughter and a wonderful life together that ends when the timelines are reset. She replaces Kara In-Ze and exits the space craft with a bright smile to greet Superman. “Hello, Kal-El, I am your cousin Kara In-Ze.”