News of the Day

He doesn’t understand why I would be upset about him buying his “dream car.” Uh, how about the fact that it only has 2 seats and there’s 3-4 people that need to be driven around in this family? How about the fact that he’s been driving like a maniac lately and I’m seriously worried he’s going to crash and kill himself in a sports car?

“I don’t want a four-door because they’re ugly.” Well, at least get one with four fucking seats, asshole.

Ugh. I’m angry and I’m upset, but I’m trying to keep it all on the inside. Because it’s his money, we’re living here under his kindness, and he’s going to do what he’s going to do.

And if that includes spending $30,000 on a car when he bitches me out every month for spending more than $300 on groceries, well, that happened. So I’ll ignore the leaky roof, the lack of good indoor heating, the emptiness of the refrigerator, and the fact that he refuses to go to the doctor because it’s too expensive, and pretend some enthusiasm for his new car.

What a fucking waste of money.

Heroes & Villains at Amazon

Bananas –

So Mother Jones wrote this => “The Only Way to Save Your Beloved Bananas Might Be Genetic Engineering” <= which, you know, TL;DR, I’m guessing we’re gonna have to start growing our own bananas if we want to have some in the future.

It’s late here as I’m writing this, though this post won’t go live until tomorrow morning because of some weird scheduling thing happening with Semagic. Anyways, I’m sleepy, I’m bored, I’m totally unfocused thought-wise and personality-wise. But I feel like the banana issue might be somehow important to me in the a.m., so here’s some links and shit to kickstart my future brain. You can use them if you want. (Yeah, I love you too.)

WikiHow: How to Grow Banana Plants — http://www.wikihow.com/Grow-Banana-Plants. “Having your own access to delicious, healthy bananas can be wonderful if you’re prepared for an extensive growing period. If you live in a warm climate or have a good indoor growing location, read on to learn about the yearlong journey of banana plant gardening.”

Weekend Gardener: How to Grow Bananas Indoors – http://www.weekendgardener.net/fruit/grow-bananas-indoors-011001.htm. “In addition to bringing a fresh look to your house, they do well with minimum maintenance, are self-fruitful, so they don’t need a pollinator, and all banana varieties do well indoors. Basically, there is no reason not to try a banana if you really want a fun project this winter.”

BTW, you can totally grow your own pineapple tree from the top of a delicious, delicious pineapple. Sure, it might not make fruit for years, but a pineapple plant is a pretty decoration for your living room. And, you know, after the apocalyse you’re going to be super popular if you’re the only a-hole that can produce pineapples for parties. I mean, who wouldn’t love a tasty pina colada[1] while the world burns?

And if you’ve got the bananas anyway, why not make yourself some banana bread? It’s one of the simplest baking things ever.


I make mine in a 9×12 pyrex pan lined with parchment paper (which lets me skip the “grease the pan” step). And sure, the bread comes out as a big, two-inch thick block, but that’s fine. I still bake it for 60 minutes, it’s still delicious, and it has that firm yet springy texture that I enjoy.

I use the edges of the parchment paper to slide it and the banana bread out of the pan and onto a rack to cool for around 2 hours. And then I cut it down the middle lengthwise, and then in half. This gives me four pieces that are 4.5 inches x 6 inches. The quarters can then be wrapped up in plastic wrap and tinfoil before being frozen, or I can just scarf them down as is, because it’s really hard to resist such deliciousness for very long.

I slice the banana bread quarters into the desired thickness. They look kind of like biscotti, but not all hard and crunchy.

BTW, for this batch I added some ground ginger and ground nutmeg, which gave it a bit of a kick. This recipe is pretty basic, which leaves it open for experimentation–walnuts, chocolate chips, raisins, craisins, ground cloves, whatever floats your boat. It will probably be delicious.

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1. How to make rum: WikiHow

Takes about 4-10 days. Preparation time is 4-6 weeks. Yields approximately 2-3 liters of rum.

Ingredients:
5.5 lbs molasses
5.5 lbs sugar
5.2 gallons distilled water
1.5 ounces hydrated yeast
additional distilled water
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A book I recommend is “How to Do Absolutely Everything: Homegrown Projects from Real Do-It-Yourself Experts” by Instructables.com. It’s a compilation of some of the better projects from the site. Includes instructions on growing your own pineapple.

Like seriously, dude, if you’ve got any kind of DIY project in mind, Instructables–along with WikiHow–is one of the first sites you should hit up for ideas. There’s so many incredible people out there. It’s not any kind of shame to follow in their footsteps.

Pick up some seeds from Amazon — Dwarf Cavendish Banana Tree Certified 5 Seeds. Current price: >$7

All Systems Red at Amazon

Mung beans

I ordered a 5-pound bag of mung bean seeds. They’re supposed to show up tomorrow and I can’t help being excited. (UPDATED: They’re here! They’re here!)

I bought a new strainer to grow these babies in. (Maangchi grew soybeans in a strainer she kept on her kitchen counter. I saw her do it on her site, Maangchi.com. It only took a week or so before she was cooking them and eating them.) It’s bright red with black handles.

I’m already thrilling about all the beansprouts we can eat. (Sadly, there were no soybeans in my price range.)

mung/soybean sprouts
sesame oil
salt
green onion (optional)
white onion (optional)
carrot (optional)
spinach (optional)
mushroom (optional)
-You can choose whatever mix of vegetables you like. It’s the sauce that makes them taste so good. Once you get the right blend, you can have some awesome banchan going. Or you could throw all the vegetables with some bulgogi and cellophane noodles for some chapchae.
-You can blanch the mung beansprouts–dip them for a minute in boiling water–and stir fry them in sesame oil and seasonings. A good mix is sesame oil, garlic powder, julienned onion, and salt.

These sprouts are your base. You add them to other recipes or you can eat them just like this. It’s very tasty, very fresh; I eat them cold right from the fridge.

Add crushed red pepper flakes, green onion, soy sauce, spinach salad[1], sugar (optional), julienned pickled carrot (optional), julienned pickled garlic (Pickled in soy sauce with maybe some whole jalapenos or onions; optional), and raw julienned onion to a bowl; mix together without mashing. Enjoy with rice as a side dish, or turn it into a star by adding it to a soup[2].

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1. Spinach salad — clean, rinse, and blanch your fresh spinach to desired level of doneness. (Get a nice green color without going to mush by immediately draining and rinsing the spinach with cold water to stop the cooking process.) Add a dressing of sesame oil, garlic, onion, green onion, and salt.

SUBSTITUTIONS: For another dressing idea, you can use sesame oil, garlic, onion, green onion, soy sauce, and sugar.

ADDITIONS: Add julienned carrot, white onion, daikon radish, zuchinni, cucumbers or beansprouts with the spinach. You might have to boil them longer for a more desired doneness, so throw them in the pot of boiling water and set your timer to 5 minutes. When it gets to how long your spinach needs to cook, add it to the water. Drain everything into the same strainer and rinse.

That’s like five vegetables right there. And vegetable-haters will be eating the heck out of them when you make chapchae, kimbap, veggie pancakes, scrambled eggs, soup… anything. Spinach salad is delicious with anything, even if you can’t afford the spinach.

2. Spicy clam soup is the best. Though I’m in love with any miso/bonito based soup. I’ll throw anything into the pot and it’ll come out delicious.

Soup base: water, bonito (fish bouillon), garlic, onion, sugar, and soy sauce heated to boiling.
-ADDITIONS: tofu cut into chunks; clams in the shell or rinsed from the can; potato; beef; chicken; pork; shrimp; zucchini; carrot; radish; brussels sprouts; asparagus; bok choy; beansprouts; jalapenos; celery; cabbage; kimchi; udon noodles, napa cabbage; torn noodles; octopus; crab; lobster; fish; wontons or mandu; meat raviolis.
-ADDITIONS: you can add gochujang (hot pepper paste) to your broth, though people usually either like a little bit or a lot; not in-between. Still, the right mix of vegetables, gochujang, and bonito will blow your mind.
Soup closer: stir in the miso in the last couple of minutes or just before you turn off the heat.
-OPTIONAL: With the soup in the serving dish, garnish with green onions, seaweed flakes, fish flakes, dry squid or fish pieces. Or eat as is.
OPTIONAL: When it’s still boiling, add an egg before turning off the heat. You want to let the white cook a bit before popping the yolk. It keeps them from merging, and also lets the yolk solidify a bit before it mixes with the broth.

Eat the soup by itself or as a side dish with rice,

Remember: when choosing your vegetables, things like celery and radish have strong flavors. Only add a little bit of them. And with things that can fall apart or break into small pieces like broccoli and cauliflower, maybe cook them separately and add to the soup just before it comes off the stove. Same thing when you choose your noodles–maybe pour the soup over them in the bowl or add them at the last minute.
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I also think it will be cool to watch the mung beans grow. I’m not sure if the plants will thrive in my yard, but I want to at least try.

mung bean seeds
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Brine shrimp

The Kid was talking about bringing home a hydra from his science class. So I ordered some brine shrimp with which to feed them.

He forgot the hydra. It’s winter break, so they’re all going to be dead by the time he gets back to school. The project didn’t require that all of them live (I think that’s a kinda cruel way to handle things, but that’s nature.) and the teacher isn’t going to keep feeding them. Which is a bit wasteful, since I’ve heard it’s hard to get hydra outside of classroom settings, but it’s her prerogative.

Now I have a vial of brine shrimp eggs and no carnivorous aquatic plant(?) to feed them to. I wonder how long they’ll stay viable. (UPDATED: It seems that they stay good for YEARS. That’s good information to know.)

brineshrimp1 brineshrimp2
I wasn’t very enthusiastic about him bringing the hydra home, but now that I think on it, I wish he hadn’t forgotten.

Research has suggested that hydra are difficult to purchase, though you can find them in nature. So if you grew your own in a tank and created whole ecosystems for them to breed in, you can sell healthy hydra to pet owners. Make a whole set/kit, like the old ant farms, and sell them at affordable prices. People would buy it.

I want to buy it. Or at least have a kit gifted to me. Raising hydra seems like a fun home-science experiment to do with the Kid.

From what I understand, hydra are more interesting than brine shrimp, but not as messy as fish and lizards. I’m thinking you can grow both hydra and brine shrimp in the same tank if you plant the hydra in one corner. I even heard something about daphnia too.

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DIY Google Cardboard VR

The Kid chose this as his Christmas gift. I’m not quite sure what you do with these, but he’s very enthusiastic about them.

He’d a bit worried that his phone won’t be compatible with the goggles, so I’m hoping that they work.

The product description: “The DIY Google Cardboard VR mobile phone 3D glasses headset, instantaneously transforms your Smartphone into a VR headset.” -AMAZON

They cost $12.99, and I’m not sure if that’s a deal or not. We might just Mod Podge these up so he can use them longer.

Fortress in the Eye of Time at Amazon

ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA — This is that song that basically everyone needs in their life. “Also Sprach Zarathustra” by Richard Strauss. You’ve probably heard it a thousand times if you’re a sci-fi fan:

If you’ve never heard it before, then you’re welcome and enjoy.

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MONSTER WORM BABIES – I was watching some Monsters Inside You shows when this couple was shown that went on vacation to an arid yet somewhat lush environment. They were both infested, but the man got it much worse. He had giant fly babies growing under bug bites on his back.

They had to be removed by a doctor, and they were frickin’ huge!

The funny thing is that the couple was staying in the local equivalent of the high-roller suites. They probably had some of the best furniure and bedding in the entire village. The only thing they didn’t have was a mosquito net.

If they’d had a net around the bed while they slept, they would have had some protection. It was a case of perceived luxury defeating commonsense. The funny thing is that no one in the area gave them a warning. “Hey, watch out while you’re sleeping. Horrible bugs will lay their eggs in your body and it’s a pus-filled and disustingly painful experience you’ll probably want to skip this vacation.”

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There were things moving under the surface of her skin. She didn’t know what they were, just dark brown shapes darting along the rivers of her veins, but she could feel them tugging and shifting at her as they moved. She wondered if they were gobbling chunks of flesh to make room for themselves. It was horrifying.

When she was a young girl on Earth she’d heard stories of flies laying eggs under peoples’ skin. But this seemed so much worse. Because she could not move, could not scream, could do nothing but feel the movement she could not stop and watch as she was transformed into the birthing chamber of alien parasites.

Tears trickled from her glazing eyes. The only mercy was the lack of pain–the paralytic had affected her nerves, keeping everything distant and surreal. Otherwise she knew her last days would have been filled with torturous agony rather than regret.

There were so many other choices she would have made in her life if she could go back.

But even though every person traveled through time, forward was the only direction. She could only dream of going back.

* * *

F: “You’re really going to trust me with all this?”

A: “Sure. Just prove to me you’re trustworthy.”

A: “I see a bright future ahead for you, Flo. As long as you don’t screw things up, you’re going to be someone amazing.”

F: “Your confidence in me is both delightful and soul destroying.”

A: “Good. That’s the perfect balance. Now off to work with you.

* * *

GOD HELP THE GIRL — I gave “God Help the Girl” a try on Amazon and I’m glad that I did.

I kinda hated the first few minutes, but it got better and better as the story unfolded. It’s a good movie. You should give it a try. If it’s not your thing, all you’ve lost is a little time. If it is your thing, you’ll have gained a favored movie.

Emily Browning plays Eve, a girl battling anorexia and herself. She leaves the hospital against advice and is determined to find some joy and adventure. It’s during her first outing that she meets James in passing, a young man that helps her without taking advantage. She tells him that she will find him again. Which she does during her second, longer break from the hospital.

It’s a story of friendship, growing up, and one glorious summer. Eve, James, and a girl named Cassie form a band together and create some great music. With Glasgow in summer as the backdrop and a series of visually appealing outfits and near-music video musical scenes, there’s almost subversive about “God Help the Girl.”

I don’t want to ruin the story, so I can’t say much more, but this movie does create some feelings and a lasting impression. It’s Eve as the Girl in the Red Dress, with James and Cassie under her spell, pulled along by her magnetism and the magic she seems to bring everywhere that she appears. Yet she has a sadness and a desperation to her that they don’t see and don’t help, emotionally privileged children that they are.

It’s a good movie. Well worth the hour and 52 minutes of runtime.